I'll get right back to this soon...
but you won't swoon.
When you think love, do you think clearer?
Is it push and shove;
is it taste and see?
Do you hear cries;
when you tell them "never,"
do you despise, when it's not for free?
Ooh Babe
Ooh Yeah
When you think on love, what do you know?
Are you a child or villain, a song or show?
"Ooh Cmon!"
"I don't wanna touch you too much baby;"
coz loving you this way has made me crazy;
"I know you think that love is the way you make it;"
I wanna know how you know that he don't fake it;
"No!"
"(love bites, love bleeds)"
It's bringin us to our knees
"(Love lives, love dies)"
"It's no surprise!"
"(Love begs, love pleads)"
that fills your needs...
When it's all through, are you still yourself?
what's it add up to? I think you're something else.
When you wake up, will you walk out,
and not own up, but just scream and shout?
"Ooh Babe"
I don't wanna touch you no more baby;
the way you love the war is simply crazy;
"Oh"
"Ooh Yeah"
"(love bites, love bleeds)"
it's bringing you to your knees
(Love lives, love flies)
(Love's sights, love's deeds)
Brings people off their knees
(Love lives, love flies)
Some surprise!
(love begs, love pleads)
but fills my needs...
If you've got love in your sights
forget those nights.
There's more delights.
Author notes
"I don't want to touch you too much baby..." I stole some lines from the song itself, and rewrote the whole theme of it. The song was written (I think) from the view point of a prospective lover, crushed by the knowledge that he fell in love with someone who evaluated love solely on the basis of sex and "lookie me." totally devoid of relationship until 'maybe' later. I tried to rewrite it from the viewpoint of a survivor of that sort of event.
A contest entry
- RHYMING TO YOUR FAVORITE SONG!!!!!! by cbsbecm88.
550 points, ended November 29, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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wow I think I like this version better.
good luck in the contest my friend
God bless you...
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Thanks very much!
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"(love bites, love bleeds)"
It's bringin us to our knees
"(Love lives, love dies)"
"It's no surprise!"
"(Love begs, love pleads)"
that fills your needs...
i really enjoyed these lines!
Title-9.5 wow! i really liked this title! "love bites" it's really creative!
Flow-8.5 this poem was chopy in some places but overall it had a very nice flow
Rules-8.5 you did go over 40 lines but overall follwed the rules
Creativity-9 this is a very creative poem with a great title!
Song-9 by your description in the author's notes you did a good job matching this with the song!
Total-44.5 -
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Thanks very much!
The title belongs to Def Leppard, as do some of the lines. The song itself is extremely choppy and changes tempo in several places...for the most part I rewrote lines as I saw fit, and quoted the lines left alone. Thanks for such a thorough review!
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