this is heaven

The openness above the clouds

the place where dreams are thought to come true

the place where angels are said to roam

where dreams become reality

where things turn from impossible to normal

things that couldn't be said or expressed are the language

that is heaven

a place where skin and race and language aren't barriers but challenges to over come and not be afraid of

that is heaven

A contest entry

Tell me about Heaven by Demington. 1300 points, ended November 24, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

What did you think

Comments

By me, right now

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Demington
November 24, 2008

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Great message, but really lacking in poetical punch.

Try to use fresh, unique words that aren't quite as cliche. For example...

Instead of saying...

"the place where dreams are thought to come true"

...you might say...

"the hollow where moon bred visions are hoped to be true"

The only way to get better is to keep on writing. So keep on writing friend. Who knows what kind of potential you've got locked up just waiting to realize.

Blessings,

C
HatedLoveDieingRose
November 13, 2008
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Beautiful!
wow this poem is wonderful! Beautifully said! i cant wait to read more of your poems!
Lady Altheia
November 11, 2008

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Welcome to AllPoetry
I love your definition of Heaven and I feel the same way. Heaven is viewed as a place of peace where everyone in everything is in harmony. There are no differences. I hope you enjoy your stay with us on AP. Welcome to our community.
Lady Altheia
site greeter
raspberry
November 11, 2008
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Welcome to Allpoetry
A nice descriptive piece on heaven.. But it would be just nice if u take care to adjust your background colors or the font colors, so that they go easy with the reader.. now, it is all striking and makes the reader move over.. not to stay and read.. So kindly edit.