autumn came,
our skin cooled; your words became
automatic
rust formed on the edge of my bed and between my fingers. The smell of flowers made me sick. Ink was smeared on my walls and cheeks.
and your lies stained my pillowcase where i fell asleep without your arms around my waist.
I counted every second that you wernt there.
A contest entry
- QUICKIE: seasons [2/4] by etoile.
550 points, ended November 17, 2008, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
cbjigddgj?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
like this one
=]] -
fantastic "it's over" poem
you really captured this.
autumn came,
our skin cooled; your words became
automatic
was an awesome into
lies stained my pillowcase where i fell asleep without your arms around my waist.
and i liked that, because I know the feeling of going to bed with memories of someone, haunting you till the very last flutter of conciousness, and you know it's bullshit and lies, but
you keep counting the seconds.
if you're already writin like this, i can only imagine what you'll be spittin out when you're an old geezer like me
-
this was amazing! I loved every word.
the imagery was beautiful and everything about this was perfect!
this is exactly what i am looking for. something unique but i can still see how it relates to the prompt.
thanks for entering and goodluck
-
omg i love this!!!!! i love all the amazing metaphors and omg i love it <3
-
Fantastic. I love the way you spaced this out. Beginning that pulls you in, middle that keeps you, and ending that makes you glad you stayed. Oh, the ending was incredible. Loved it!
-
Great poem!
Really emotional. I can feel the sadness. Liked it very much.
-
I loved the ending
beautiful imagery I really loved this
-
sad
"\
-
NICE
SHORT, SUCCINCT, POWERFUL, LOVE THE IMAGEARY OF THE RUST, SYMBOLISING A STAGNANT RELATIONSHIP.
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
