Let the water rain down from the sky
Let the thunder come and sound my why's
Let the darkness turn of my light
because I no longer want to be here..
Let the blade cut my heart out
Let the sharp nothingness pierce my vein
Let your empty call sound my siren
because I no longer want to be here...
Let the red water flow from my life force
Let the comments change course
Let the words echo from the source
because I no longer want to be here....
Let all the volcano's burst with the lava of emotion
Let the fire burn my name to ashes
Let the flames intense the hate
because I no longer want to be here.....
`
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
This has a melodic sound. It is of pain, and sadness, and...I love it. The way you put is was amazing, the way the flow works, and the repitition really helps get that emotion across.
~Walls~ -
Awesome poem!
WOW! It's really dark and full of emotions. It's great. The flow is wonderful. The rhyming is good. I like the way you repeated "because I no longer want to be here....." after each stanza, like a song.
-
Wow!!! Powerful...
Deep, dark & beautifully penned...
Such intensity & profound raw emotion in your words...
Quite speechless here, doesn't happen often... lol!
Compelling darkness throughout that appealed to my own style & senses...
Well Done!!!
-
this was really powerful.. it made me want to cry for you. i especially loved the personification of thunder, and the entire last verse was awesome. the only thing i would tell you is that intense is a noun, so you can't 'intense the hate.' you gotta intensify it! lol but it was awesome, and i sincerely hope this emotion passes...
-
Wow, this is intense. I can relate to the feeling of wanting to give up on life, and you wrote out the powerful emotions very well. On the one hand you are saying "Let it all come slam at me, I dont care anymore" and yet at the same time, you express a lot of emotion. Very well written. I hope things get better!
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
