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Perennial Love

I can look
to one source
for spontaneous help,
when all hope dries up;
walking through wilderness
thirsting for a water drop;
where I am let down
I utter 'maa' first.

she will not desert
following through all the time
a shadow,
step in step
correcting stride out of step.

Author notes

Prompt ~ Mother



A contest entry

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Comments


  • Lavender Butterfly silver member
    November 9, 2008

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    This is so well crafted and beautifully drawn but the challenge was to do it in 10 to 20 words. Thank you for the read however... x


  • mbm
    November 9, 2008

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    so glad to see an idea to fill out but challenge says 10-20 words

    since second stanza is closest to word max for competition, I'll focus most on that.

    I love the constancy in trait "a shadow,
    step in step
    correcting stride out of step" reminding me of my interjections always with my young girl if kink can be seen in time. for instance a humorous one, saying a dental mirror isn't to be tilted as a spoon because held facing such we can't see ourselves upside down! checking but not smearing the other comparison, just going beyond first glance by stainless steel concept of similarity which of course isn't glass but utensil lens lol. more serously, your parenting illustration parallels love of our heavenly father in Isaiah 30:21 'And your own ears will hear a word behind you saying: “This is the way. Walk in it, YOU people,” in case YOU people should go to the right or in case YOU should go to the left.' to keep us in the right light not 60/40 discouragement/encouragement even on road...

    regarding your whole poem the first section is very emotionally attached with teminology of that only one being quickly satisfying to (milked) tug of raising...

    you don't even have to edit for contest's trimming but take piece out of there and do a different one if that's less difficult to have a fresh description you won't feel you're chopping ~
    called Carolyn


  • maralisa silver member
    November 9, 2008

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    a wonderful take onthe promt dad good luck in the contest dad maralisa