Storm's brewing overhead.
Voluntarily I dove
into your surging tide. . .
turbulence reigns, and
I pilfer through uncharted waters. . .
while unsteady temperature bottoms out
and the south winds gust,
I hear your spirit break
from so far away. . .
I yearn to shelter you inside
my unbreakable, outer surface.
Together, we could
crash into swelters
no mortal could otherwise survive.
All you have to do is ask. . .
I would rebel against this
volatile storm's warning,
I will endure the Element's
chaotic temper;
to save you.
Author notes
This is a message to a friend whom I care very much about.
These words don't come easy, hence my thread on this prompt.
He's having troubles, and he has sadness. This is my way of saying what I feel, in essence, not being tongue-tied.
image is Steve Hanks, Daughter of a Great Romance
Prompt:
Faber Drive - Tongue Tied (lyrics)
Bright cold silver moon
Tonight alone in my room
You were here just yesterday
Slight turn of the head
Eyes down when you said
I guess I need my life to change
Seems like something's just aren't the same
What could I say?
I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I'll need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time
I stare up at the stars
I wonder just where you are
You feel a million miles away
(I wonder just where you are)
Was it something I said?
Or something I never did?
Or was I always in the way?
Could someone tell me what to say to just make you stay?
I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time
I know it feels like the end
Don't want to be here again
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
What it takes I don't care
We're gonna make it I swear
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
Again
I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
But every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time
I know it feels like the end
Don't want to be here again
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
What it takes I don't care
We're gonna make it I swear
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
A contest entry
- Get Prompted On Faber Drive by Errant Panther.
710 points, ended November 22, 2008, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
whatever,
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Wow
reading this I find myself drifting off into a dream land & wondering why a women has never thought of me in such a beautiful way. Excellent poet.
-
If my heart could do my thinking,
and my head begin to feel,
then I'd look upon the world and you,
and know whats truly real.
You still can pull the soul right out of my chest,
like a corkscrew to my heart.
Just beautiful.
Peace always little gypsy,
Liam
-
Congratulations on the Bronze Cup!!
I always love poems of the sea. This is a wonderfully poignant, bittersweet masterpiece, and shoulda won the golden chalice for such brilliance. How did I ever miss this one?!!? Wow. I stand in awe of your muse's creative talents, Sis!! 
Thank you for sharing, take care, and keep smiling!! 
Peace always, xx Cyn 
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You have penned a lovely poem with beautiful imagery. A pleasure to read. Take care.
Sandy
Congratulations on wining Bronze.
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I love this poem...Straight from the heart, compassion written all through it...
Lynda
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thank you for shedding some clarity on the connection, best wishes to you and your friend.
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Stunning imagery
so beautifully done
God bless you my friend...
-
very beautifully expressed piece but the connection to the prompt is not overly clear. a well constructed and deeply visual piece nonetheless.
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Wonderful
Very creative and so well expressed. Best of luck in the contest
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I will endure!
"Formidable intellegence!" I love that unbeatable description by Poet Muse. Yes Jin you can pour it out, and it's always deep and impressive. Thanks again for sharing your marvellous talent.
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I really love your imagery, it's amazing in all of your poetry. I wish i could write like this.
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Wow! Great take on the prompt! You certainly do a great job on this one! I love your work!
this piece is awesome!
Good luck to you in the contest!
Much love!
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Simply wonderful.
Loved this piece darling.
Best wishes to you in the contest
Love you
Passions
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Beautiful write... screams to me the beauty of your heart
and agree with swan song, absolutely beautiful eyes...
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i LIKE IT! and like your eyes this poem is awesome
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I believe you would do just that
to save someone you cared about...
I think it is a bold poem and expresses the strength and sensitivity of the writer
bravo
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Excellent!!!
A formidable intelligence is at work here, in poetic sensibility with all the metaphoric surrealsim a muse can legally possess(!!!) Wishing you all the best in this contest!!! Peace always, Cyn xx
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Aww I love ur new profile picture!!!! I love this piece you did a truly beautiful job!! So heartfelt and sweet!!! You are such a lovely brilliant writer!!!!
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Well done. Good use of the metaphor. You have exceeded the prompt by quite a bit.
Garrison
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Well done...
I am probably hearing a different tune than the one in your head...but I like the hook you have here...weel done.
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WOW WOW WOW!!!
I LOVE THIS!! It has such a musical quality to it, and anyone who knows me..knows i'm a sucker for music!! well, as long as it's good music, and this one is! it rolled right off the tongue..i like that! ;p
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