Those dark green eyes,
Which pierce both our souls,
And their voices shout at the top of their lungs,
Crying to the world
It's not fair
That what we have, is too true
To be so perfect...
but it's not...
If it were perfect,
I'd be the first person
To whisper in your delicate ears
"Good morning love"
And I'll be holding your fingers
Throughout the entire day
And fear that i may die,
If I don't feel their touch
for just one second.
If it were perfect,
Your long, soft hair would be
Constantly and gently caressing my face
As we both meander aimlessly
Under the trees in the park
As the pink sakura petals
Fall from the branches above
And entangle themselves in our hair...
Author notes
not sure if it's finished...does it end too abruptly???
A contest entry
- all the prewrites you want (theres a catch) by serenity silvermoon.
400 points, ended January 7, 299 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~*~Be My Muse~*~ by Zane Rose.
800 points, ended January 18, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Do you like it?
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Powerful penning ! A heartfelt & touching
poem . To add to it would take away from it ,
do I make sense ? Perfect ending my friend !!
Best regards , Easy - rock on ...
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liked it,,,, LOTS AND LOTS
i felt and almosted hoped this was written by an ex girlfriend of mine,,,, knowing she is not a poet ,,, AT ALL,,,, but the emotions, feelings, and imagery portrayed gave me hope that this was about us,,,silly ,,, i know,,,,lol,,, -
I wouldn't say it ends abruptly, it just stops as though not finished. Your words painted a vision of a young couple in love and just starting out together, portrayed beautifully. An excellent job here.
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I really like this piece. It was a joy to read. I think it may end a little abruptly.
I love Sakura trees! They are totally my favourite!
Good job, good luck, and keep up the great writing!
~AEO~ -
Nuh-uh, it ends beautifuly!
'As the pink sakura petals
Fall from the branches above
And entangle themselves in our hair...'
<3
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Gorgeous!
It's beautiful!
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thank yazz kayce!
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i like it , but i do think it ends abruptly.
but i dunno wat to do
TRY:
And entangle themselves in our hair
....
If it were perfect..
i love the picture it creates, and the gentle genuine expression of ur feelings
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thank yazz!!!!
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Forgot the applause lol
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If only it were perfect...
We'd be together every second of the day.
But my friggin mom makes me go to school for some unknown reason.
Whatever I love it As always.
I love you too
Sneaking on to tell you that
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^.^ that day may not come soon, but i'm looking forward to it! love you too hun!! ^.^
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i love this so much. there's nothing more to say, that just covers it all. purely,and utterly love this : ]
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very well expressed . . liked "If it were perfect" and "And fear that i may die" . . many couples feel this way at some point . .
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it's pretty good... not my fave poem ever but it's ok.. I like how it kinda pains a pic.. ya know?? anyways I give you claps
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I can't really tell ya if it's abruptly because I don't know what that means. I don't like mushy poems. The middle sounds the mushy-est. lol, should i give you clappys?
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lolz
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Sachin- it doesn't end too abrubtly- BUT I WANT MORE! Wow, this is so beautiful. So intimate... full of love.
The thing is, by writing this- it makes it perfect. Understand what I'm saying? The words you used fit beautifully. It was smooth and had me to the brink of tears. I can't even decide on which part I like the best. I'm serious- this is just simply "Perfect"
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i understand!!! thnx ame!!!!!
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this write is ...
whats the word i'm looking for?....
oh yes thats it...
PERFECT
~teddybare~
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lolz. thnx!
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wowzahs, that is really good, Chippy! i think this is one of my favorites of yours! it is so sweet! by the way, i dont think it ends too abruptly. i especially love the last stanza of ur awesome poem. "your long, soft hair would be constantly and gently caressing my face"...
i just love the way u express your love for this girl in this poem. nice work! =]
hugglezzzzzzz,
- Adria =]
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thank ya!!
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anytime, chippers! =]
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So beautiful.
I wish it was for me!
"And I'll be holding your fingers
Throughout the entire day
And fear that i may die,
If I don't feel their touch
for just one second."
faaaaaaaaaaaaave
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yay! fave! ^.^
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