Nickel sitting on the edge of the coffee table
blue glow of the cell phone
saturn eyeball in a socket
releases non-light,
absence;
Every half-ounce of success made to burn
piranas, vultures, wolves and sharks
cat sleeping in a sheltered world
secretes wisdom,
imbues love;
frugal ambition of a sacred heart,
lasting waves of a tattered passion,
surface core of a red success,
eaten from the inside;
a common demise-
A lasting unknown lingers on
as the uncaring world
rears its briny head
and changes again.
A contest entry
- your soul beats on a platter by Melissa Gayle.
1000 points, ended November 23, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Personally I didn't like all the space between the lines, I didn't see the need and feel that if they lines were together it would bring the piece together.
Otherwise, it was still well done.
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Soul at a loss
I would like to see the format brought more tightly together,but the flow is good. Bringing the soul on a platter experience to a contemorary setting is a bold move in which I did not find the emotion that I sense that you have within you. I enjoyed your piece and look forward to seeing more.
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