As I bare my naked body
No truth left untold
You've seen the whole of my essence
You've burnt out all my soul
As the world has been my witness
The judge not young or old
I am fearful of the future
As I watch my life unfold
Lost chances I do now regret
Light up inhale my last few cigarettes
Tear drops are burning extinguishing hope
Falling from a hight without any rope
Needless to say everything is bleak
The mud that I walk on has covered my feet
Author notes
This still needs some work, I ended it quickly because I ran out of inspiration...
Well,, actually, I just didnt know what else to say.....
I need to finish it, I have a good feeling about this one.....
I'm removed the last two lines to try and keep it from being so crap, if you want to know what the last lines were they were
"I slip and slide into a ditch
This is why I say Life is a bitch"
Tell me what you think, I really do want some honest feedback
Comments
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Take out the last 2 lines. They ruin the rest of the poem. You started out doing a great job. Sometimes is helps to just sit with a poem (literally and figuratively) and think about how to continue it. Or, replace the last 2 lines with something else and leave it at that.
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Thanks for the comment
I have now removed those last two lines and it works quite well
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