Time To Change

There's something about the rush of opening night
That can sometimes just change a whole person's life.
Whether it's the panic attacks that somehow manage to get the endorphins flowing,
Or the excitement that stirs such a rise, such a panic, to begin with,
There were a million factors that play in the ultimate outcome of all that is.

For me, it was opening night of the fall play that changed everything,
That started the path I was to follow for the rest of my high school career.
It was the last time I experienced some form of normality again,
The last time I was to actually think reasonably for a change.
How was I to know?

I was practically bouncing off the walls that evening,
Covering up pain that had been handed to me earlier that day,
And I thought I was doing rather well -never once thought she knew.
Still, I wasn't surprised when a hand took mine backstage, entwining fingers with mine;
For some reason, I guess I had still been a comfort to her nerves -never could fathom why.

I suppose it was even comforting to me though,
Because I managed to go on stage with strength I hadn't ever had before in my acting career.
I managed to keep from crying as I delievered my last lines and stepped offstage,
I managed to take my bows with pride, and actully muster up a real smile.
One flower from my bouquet went home with someone else that night; oh, what a wonderful night.

Everything changed that night, and nothing was ever the same.
For the first time, I understood what it was really like to fake it.
I turned into someone else, and become someone I started to hate -I was a fraud.
And though I can't say I regret the choices I made,
I can sure as hell say I regret the consequences that became of them.

I've made a lot of mistakes because of that night,
Expected a lot from people I know never knew how to give.
I thought I could put myself into a place I never belonged,
Never once did I think that I'd always be wrong regardless of what I knew.
Love consumed everything, became an obsession, and I merely appeared the fool.


I am someone I greatly detest, someone who's thrown too much away.
I can't live with myself anymore, with the monster I've become since that night.
I know I don't know how to make the right decisions,
And I know I can't bring back things I lost way back in the past.

Some nights can never happen over again,
Some moments can never be relived,
But we as people can always change what we hate.
They say if you can't change something, change the way you think about it.
I guess it's time for me to change.