I'm such a fool,
You're such a tool,
We didn't last,
And now we're past.
I didn't mean to flip the shit,
Every goddamn night, only on you,
It was never my intention,
To push you so far away,
But we were getting so close,
And I was so afraid.
There were moments of clarity,
Usually when the sun was out,
But when it left me,
I feared you would too,
So I sent you away on a whim,
Time and time again.
I apologized you twit,
You know it's just how I am,
Why couldn't you just live with it?
I know I'm a mess,
But I remember a time when you loved that.
I remember when you just grumbled over it,
And ignored me because you knew it was just bull.
I remember when you were too nervous to kiss me,
I remember when I was too nervous to tell you,
I remember when I lay my head on your knee
And you kissed my hair.
That was you, it still is,
This is me, I'll never change.
You'll soon see, what I already do,
This is our dance, however strange,
And then you'll end this interlude.
Author notes
I want him to be happy either way.
A contest entry
- "I'm sorry about the attitude, I need to give when I'm with you, but no one else will take this shit from me. . ." by JinSays.
600 points, ended November 11, 2008, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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VERY VERY NICE!
I LOVE THIS>
I love the name calling, candor.
FABULOUS
thank you for fixing it, you done girl honey.
Much love.
jin -
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Haha, I changed it again actually. Thanks for the help Jin, you're super. =D
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I apologized you twit,
You know it's just how I am,
Why couldn't you just live with it?
I know I'm a mess,
But I remember a time when you loved that.
I remember when you just grumbled over it,
And ignored me because you knew it was just bull.
I remember when you were too nervous to kiss me,
I remember when I was too nervous to tell you,
I remember when I lay my head on your knee
And you kissed my hair.
I think you got it. You've taken my prompt, and you ran to newer heights.
That ending line. . . .no.
This poem is too strong for an end like that.
I think it could be alot stronger than this.
I may be wrong, but I'm being honest.
I love this piece, and would like to award it something.
I will return before the contest closes.
Much love, and best wishes,
jin
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I know, it was an awful way to end it, this isn't much better. I'm still in the situation so I don't have an ending myself yet. Thanks, El
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Wow, so true to life this seems to be. A wonderful write my friend.
Well Done....Best wishes in the contest.
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