Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

dust devil delight



With soaring expectation
gravity is forgotten,
rotating in the storm's center
utopia is found.

Illusions elevated,
creating a mirage
of impervious aspirations.

The squall line advances.

Constraints, snatched away,
immature fantasies
lose altitude,
plummet into abyss.

Surviving the aftermath,
mangled and splintered,
bleeding tears of devastation.

As the chaser accelerates,
unearthing new fields
of breath, to diminish.

~~~~~~~~~~

Author notes

Option #2 - Tornado dreams

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 25 of 25

  • Mistress Leala silver member
    February 10

    Edit | Reply
    Extremely wonderful piece. I have lived through many of tornados being from the south originally. They can be extremely devastating and always destructive. Thanks for the share.

  • jadeangyal
    December 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What a touching piece about the majesty and devastation and great power of a tornado. I like how you compared the eye to utopia. "new fields of breath"--very cool. Congrats on the gold.


  • dragonscales
    November 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    great

    i like the tornado puns like "imature fantasies lose altitude" hehe very smart of you


  • Umi Juvariel
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting. A few things didn't quite sit right, but as for now, I don't remember which. Good use of words, wonderful imagery and very good rhythm. I liked how you kept it simple, but made it seem complex. Great write.


  • Susan John Francis
    November 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    A well constructed write here....


  • Lencio Rodrigues
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Marvellous piece, well conceptualised and written with brilliant images. I knew this would be wonderful when it was popping in the featured, the title itself told me this was something worth reading! Congratulations on the gold, well deserved!

    Love and light,
    Lencio


  • NastyNickie
    November 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    verdict: awesome

    wow this is awesome, you definitely deserved the win, this poem of urs reminds me a lot of about 20 i wrote lol, emitionally, i am drawn to the end where it's a bit stronger


  • JustinReid
    November 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Weather geeks unite!! Nice poetry!


  • FaerieNWonderland
    November 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow an amazing piece


  • just mercedes gold member
    November 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I clicked on this for the title - dust devils are known in Australia, and I had thought it an Australian word until now.

    Great poem, a well-deserved gold trophy.

  • michaeline
    November 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Congrats on the gold.I can see why you won .this is very well written and the imagry is great.The words that you chose were very good in their usage and wat you wanted your reeding to imagine.This is great glad that I got the chance to read this.


  • poeticweaver gold member
    November 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Congrates On The Gold Cayla!

    The imagery here, with such perfect vivid wording draws the reader in, captivating to the very end! This is an awesome read, and I love the BG of choice as well daughter dear! Big -hugs- and Bravo!

    Dad aka Timothy aka poeticweaver~ x


    • Stingersinger53 gold member
      November 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks! I'm kinda proud of it, LOL. I worked all morning on it. I didn't think I'd get gold though, but glad I did Now I get to go to round "two". Hopefully I can come up with something! Thanks as always for the sweet comment!
      Hugs!!!
      Cayla


  • Ryan79
    November 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Congratulations

    Great poem. Way to go on getting the gold. Very expressive. I love the way you made the tornado seem to come alive and gave it feelings.

    • Stingersinger53 gold member
      November 9, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      Thank you! I really liked taking the time it took to write it. Winning the gold, just made it worth all the time it took.

      Hugs!
      Cayla


  • Death Rocker
    November 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I liked it!! Congrats on the gold!! and I loved what you came up with!! smile..Lol!! But yea it was great!!!


  • Rose Angel gold member
    November 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations, young lady on your gold trophy! You seem to be aquainted with tornadoes...and most vividly with your imagery took us there with you! Bravo for the write!

    • Stingersinger53 gold member
      November 8, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for the sweet comment! I live in Arkansas, so I have been a bit too close at times. I have great fear of them, physically shaking at times. I run to grandma's house to hide in the shelter if I know one is on the way. I'm a big chicken and don't mind admitting it, LOL.
      Thanks again for the nice comment!!

      Hugs!!!
      Cayla


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    November 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations on winning the gold trophy!


  • Xianaria gold member
    November 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Congrats on the Gold

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    November 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations sweetie


  • Arkbear gold member
    November 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hello :)

     

    Your first L has set an incredible Tone.....nice!

     

    Seperate *found* & *illusions*

     

    With soaring expectation
    gravity is forgotten,
    rotating in the storm's center
    utopia is found.


    Illusions are elevated,
    creating a mirage
    of impervious aspirations.

     

    Take out these words  ( are )....( as )...you do not need them, as you have such a gorgeous grammatical talent without using Filler Wods which bring no power to your write :) ......>>>

     

     

    **Constraints, snatched away,

    immature fantasies
    losing altitude
    plummet into abyss.**

     


    Seperate this long S*..>>

     

    Surviving the aftermath,
    mangled and splintered,
    bleeding tears of devastation.


    The chaser accelerates,
    unearthing a new field
    of breath....COMMA.... to diminish.

     

     

    Wow....stunning work....visuals are breath-taking.....you have done well here.....just remember to Slooooow me down, as I want to absorb all of your wonderful thoughts and imagery......no reason to rush me, ( the Reader ) , through your work :)

     

    Good luck & God bless you......oh....& btw....best use of metaphors in the contest *wink*

     

    Bear ~

    • Stingersinger53 gold member
      November 8, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for the advice, I'm still learning how this all goes. Good luck to you also in judging. You have some great entries!

      Hugs!
      Cayla

1 - 25 of 25