SATURDAY NIGHT-
7:00 p.m.
It was saturday night
the night all teenagers party
we were to have a candle light together
you hadn't come yet............
I waited...............
8:30 p.m.-'Bob's Burgers'
I sat at table 9
waited for you with a smile
I saw you at a distance
but you were too far away.....
I couldn't see anymore.....
9:40 p.m.
I knew now for sure you were not going to come....
I paid for the drink I had taken while I waited for you
and went and stood on the boardwalk
there wasnt a smile on my face anymore
as you can only guess why.................
I got hit by a truck at 10:30..
i know the time because...
it all happened when I heard the horn
and now I lie there in bitter darkness..
as tears of red stream down my face..
and I sleep towards harmless glory..with not a thought of you....
Author notes
Option 3 in 'Options for those in search for something new'
SN-Anagha-Nataraj
Contest I Hate Everything About You-Option2-Pain
A contest entry
- Options for those in search for something new by kitsmith.
700 points, ended December 1, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Betrayal by Baisi.
1200 points, ended November 23, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I might forget you, but not forgive..... by Paloszoo.
700 points, ended December 16, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do u think of my poem ?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Wow. I'm not a fan of prose, but I really found this interesting and enjoyable despite the sadness of the content. It's well done! And it's an interesting take on the prompt. Thanks for entering!
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I liked this, it was well on with the train of thought. I like how you included the time frame. It made it more real somehow. Great job and good luck in the contests you have entered it in!
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This is angsty, but beautiful. Great job.
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wow. umm... ok. i'm speechless. thanks for entering. sorry i can't come up with a comment (don't worry i liked it.)
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is the "umm... ok. I'm speechless......." a good thing D= ????????
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