The night seems a chilly home,
Even for such a beast,
Who could rip into bone
To feast on the soul below,
But huddles instead
On a bed made of stone,
Fated forever to live,
Cold and alone.
If the beast could speak,
It would only cry,
Doomed to endlessly seek
What it finds beautiful,
Fall hopelessly in love,
And watch it die.
Finally, the day arrives
Men set out, to protect their wives,
With torches in hand
They cross the land
In preemptive defense of their lives
The beast waits outside
Still cold, no will to hide
When they show up,
It doesn't even rise,
And though they hurt it greatly,
It only sighs until, finally,
It closes it's eyes and peacefully dies.
When the men search the beast's lair,
There is a sweet smell to the air,
The ground is red, but not with blood,
And it takes them a while,
Before they realize, it's rose petals, a pile.
Once they are long gone,
The bushes stir as a strange creature,
One with shaggy, indistinct fur,
Comes out into view,
The last of it's kind,
For they are painfully shy.
As it reaches the beast,
Tears fill it's eyes as it
Caresses this other outcast
For the first time,
Though it's watched this beast for
Most of it's life,
And before it leaves,
It grieves for the lonely ghost,
And places in it's claws
The thing the beast loved most,
The very thing the beast dreamt of
As it's life reached a close,
A strangely fitting gift,
A perfect, intact rose.
Author notes
I'm not even sure, maybe a weird take on beauty and the beast? I was listening to "Rose" by A Perfect Circle on repeat while writing this too though, so I'm sure that helped set the mood.
A contest entry
- Anything you want by whispernthedark.
700 points, ended November 22, 2008, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
wow
wow, i loved it. its my style too. great work!! -
I think it's safe to say that I am essentially aroused. It was great, and I thank you for posting it, even if you don't fully know the meaning behind it yourself.
-
Definitely a strange and afflicative twist on the original Disney tale (though I now see that was not your intention at all). Neh, your poem definitely shows a powerful and sorrowful tone without a doubt. It takes on not a fantasy feel, but more of a pseudo-science fiction storyline. As if, there are these magical furry creatures doomed forever to submit to the power of a single, perfect rose. hmm, interesting plot.
All in all, i was very fascinated by this poem. All I suggest is maybe a bit of editing. Try, perhaps, to even out the stanzas, making them equal and balancing the flow of the poem. Rhyme is figitty, but I cannot complain. Very imaginative, and just with a little touch it will be finito. Really has a lot of potential.
To quote below, "a bit moody," but i think it is rather fitting for the song.
-
very interesting poem. what is this beast that men fear that is no beast at all?
-
-
Thank you, I tend to use music to influence my mood when i write, and the song I was listening to was loosely based on Beauty & The Beast, and it went from there lol.
-
-
awesome! that is one of my favorites. i should have picked up on it. ty for explaining it. it's a great poem.
-
-
-
Superb plus
Aye, 'tis a bit of a moody piece, yet written with your usual excellence, my friend. Thanks for sharing this one with us.
-
Beauty and the beast, neh?
Hah, yeah, I read this and my first thought was, "Whoa, Beauty and the Beast!" Aww, that's a bittersweet ending--he gets what he wants, but too late.
Overall it flows well, but the rhyme scheme bothers me as I read it. It seems to keep changing. Is there a specific style you're following?
Fated forever to live,
Cold and alone.
This sounds rather cliche. I think it's just the word "fated" that makes it sound that way, maybe change it to another word. And not "doomed" either -
-
Thanks for the comment, I know the rhyme scheme is strange, I usually do my best writing when I'm dead-tired, but I also tend not to pay much attention to specific rhyme schemes when I write like that.
Yeah, I'm gonna need to think of how to revise those maybe, they don't work as well when I'm fully rested lol.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
