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Boys who would be men

Toys
of wilful grown up boys
who don their peacock finery
and play on weaknesses of need.

They twist the conversations flow
and little know
that deep within
they killed a nightingale.

They chase the moon
and kill the stars
creating fiery prison bars,
and where was once a tranquil stream
becomes a mire of broken dreams.

Then at last the bough will break,
make no mistake
for even willows bend then crack.

Sweet wisdom whispers in the night,
will you submit, or will you fight?
and dignity takes your hand,
it's then you make
that long last stand,

starting your voyage towards the light.


A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Tony El Great silver member
    November 13, 2008
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    Sounds like some intelligent lads who know what women really want, and it is not a servant but a conqueror; too bad most gals have to give that final puny fight before they give into a new lover and themselves, but women are animals for the most part. (LOL) That's my slant on it anyway.

  • mischivousmile
    November 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Love it

    I love the way you put the words together to make a story and reference the nighingale and childhood rhymes. (the bough will break). The last line confuses me a little, generally when we think of going to the light....it's a death scene or close to death...so would it be going to the light (out of darkness with this being) or is it going toward the light of truth and strength?


  • Mary O gold member
    November 10, 2008
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    WOW!

    This is great packed with great wisdom and insight.
    Well done'
    ~Mary O


  • sheltered
    November 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is definitely well rhymed
    hardly noticeable
    and profound


  • suseann
    November 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well,hopefully in view of the contest's name. A kiss and a "love you" came first.Ha! This piece delves into the physical as well as the psychogical aspects of the subject well.


  • twelveandahalf
    November 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "They chase the moon
    and kill the stars"
    This seemed so beautiful to me.
    Gorgeous write all together.


  • Puppydog gold member
    November 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

    Oh my! your words are deeply touching!'s So much to learn by those who are so young.


  • BehindTheShadow
    November 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderfully written.

  • Bad Bill
    November 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is really good. The flow is perfectly matched to the poem's content, which makes it a definite pleasure to read. One quibble though--surely you mean "submit" rather than "summit" in the last stanza?

    Good work,
    Bill


  • Wandika gold member
    November 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Di

    I have seen these duels so many times in bars of the world. Very interesting as to each of their outcomes. Always hope the boys loose...


  • MuddyKing
    November 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this one so reminds me of Pope...perhaps a bit of Rape of the Locks
    sometimes when I read you I get this dated feeling and that is so special
    almost like finding a lost poem by Dickinson
    What it is to me is the quality, wit, and wisdom that takes me for that ride
    love this one Di
    best wishes
    peace and huge hugs
    Muddy

1 - 11 of 11