In days of yore, in times of myth I dreamed
of greatness found in mighty deeds and thought
to change a future world as mage I schemed
in this with greatest pride, I wholly sought.
The power, true, of golden eagle heart
I yearned to own in darkened raven soul.
The life of raptor held could now impart
that which for long had kept this queen unwhole.
In hand it beat a rhythm, hard, of pain
of life just taken, free me, now to soar
It called to me in twisted eye, again
let soul of bird be what it was before.
Its plea now touched what once I thought had died
and regal face could tear, I fully, cried.
A contest entry
- Dark Picture Prompt by kiwigirljacks.
625 points, ended November 12, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Can you make me feel? (now open to PWs) by glitterydoom.
550 points, ended November 16, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Hmmm...
Worth it simply for 'a life just taken' ! I am convinced that this writer could, if they wished, tidy and polish this into something really good.
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I just re-read this from its posting on Lord of Dreams, and don't have the same feeling about the meter that I had at first -- must be I'M getting better at reading! I am still struck by your images here, and by your ability to convey such a full story in so few lines. I enjoyed this all over again!
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This borders on shamanistic
Nicely done
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I can see this hawk/witch making shifts, making choices; this is an interesting character you have created here. A certain sadness throughout seems to imply her choices are difficult. Very interesting rhymes, although occasionally the meter seemed a bit off, particularly in the last line. Or I could just be pronouncing words wrong!
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I like this. And this is good coming from me seeing as how I don't really like this kind of poetry.(the whole thingything)
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Great presentation - wonderful picture and poem - fit together so well. Liked the rhythm, rhyme and flow of these lines. Wonderful sonnet you have created with your words.
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"The power, true, of golden eagle heart
I yearned to own in darkened raven soul.
The life of raptor held could now impart
that which for long had kept this queen unwhole."
I loved this, and I also loved the ending, but the whole thing was great
thanks for entering and best of luck
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thumbs up
in hand it beat a rhythm, hard, of pain
of life just taken, free me, now to soar
can feel the movement, like very much my friend
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Fab take! Loved the voice you used in this.. had an old wordly yet dark feel to it!
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I love the elevated tone of this, almost a throwback to the classics. You paint such a vivid story with no excess of words, weaving language with true skill.
Cheers,
Tala
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Thank you!
That was a wonderful comment! Your insight brought a happy smile to my face.
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