Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Jealousy

I wish I had the time
The time in this life to do
The things that make me happy
The things I really want to do
To do with whom I want to
The way I want to, at my own pace
In my own way, if it takes all day
Not care what other people say

I see other people doing their own thing
Doing things they want to do
In the way they want them done
Their all out there having fun
Out by the sea and playing in the sun
Not answering to anyone
They don’t even think about me
I’m just so damn jealous

By Hardluck

What do I need to do to make it better?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • ButILoveHer silver member
    May 6

    Edit | Reply
    " The way I want to, at my own pace
    In my own way, if it takes all day "
    this i can relate to.. you said it in a nut shell mate and this is a great little poem..
    cheers


  • finlyfree2beme
    March 16
    Edit | Reply
    I think this is a powerful poem my friend, I can feel the emotions in the read of it. Great job!

  • Alexander Kane
    November 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Very good!!!

    I like this one alot. The words are extremely well put together. I can understand how you feel.


  • Panicked-Puppet-xXx
    November 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I loved it!!!

    Wow, beautiful poem, I really like it. It holds imagery and almost a hint of rage, like a child held back by father's sterness. Yeah, I know that sounds silly, Ive been bed stricken for the last three days with a cold and my head isnt working right...