The pedals litter my mind each a fragmented piece
all part of a puzzle that is swimming in nothingness
pedals black as night each part of a rose
each controlling my fragmented thoughts
leading deeper into despair
containing a power that contaminates life
kills all it touches with not but a fragment of a thought
black roses part of a powerful puzzle
littering my mind with its deadly pedals of confused nothingness.....
Author notes
Option 2(number) --- #7, 3(title) --- Fragmented thoughts, 4(phrase) --- Swimming in nothingness ScreenName is: my1lovewearsdiapers
A contest entry
- Options for those in search for something new by kitsmith.
700 points, ended December 1, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything! [Prewrites Allowed] by Captain Amber SL.
700 points, ended April 26, 73 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I love the idea of fragmented thoughts in your mind being like a puzzle you have to put back together. An inventive idea, and it has given this poem a lot of emotion and depth.
"black roses part of a powerful puzzle
littering my mind with its deadly pedals of confused nothingness....."
I like the way you introduced the petals, making it a three way metaphor, where the petals, the fragmented thoughts and the puzzle pieces are all synonymous with each other.
I wish you the best of luck, and keep writing and improving your poetry. ^__^
Aeris Silverlight
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to be quite honest, it seemed as if you overused the prompts a tad, but overall, it is not too bad of a piece. thank you for entering and good luck
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Ooh you are going for a challenge. I see... Well, your number is 7, and your prompt is... "black roses" Hmm... good choice of number, because I don't think any of the other prompts would have fit the other two options you chose. Good luck, my friend.
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