click, click click.
the clock keeps ticking.
the days speed by,
marked by the tears i cry.
now i know what insanity feels like.
when there's nothing left,
and the past becomes present,
life becomes unpleasant,
love turns into hell,
nothing seems the same,
i know what it's like to feel insane.
when the floor i'm walking
opens up and starts talking,
while these walls are caving in,
these shadows become my new best friends.
everything repeats
while i'm tangled in these sheets,
sweat filled nights are marked with screaming and kicking
as i'm fighting off the nightmares that i keep reliving.
all the while,
the clock keeps ticking.
click click click,
the clock keeps ticking.
Author notes
meh, dont laugh at my title, the floor and i couldn't think of anything else to call it. we didn't ask the clock because he's not on speaking terms with us anymore. (lol, j/k people.)
click, click, click, the clock is still ticking,
it's your life and it's still ending.
you're running out of life
one moment at a time.
honest oppinions please and thank you.
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Nice write here. I like the title, it's a little different and that's a good thing.
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great work
this poem is great,,, i loved how it rymes, LOL but i dident notice it rymed the first time i read it,,,, anywaysmmm keep up the great poems. -
This poem has some potential. It honestly reminds me of some of my earlier works, and I'm pretty sure this idea could be played on and revised, but it's also very good left the way that it is at the moment. Nice write, keep it up.
-Sadien
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This poem was very good, dont worry the title was great i liked it alot...idk who would wake fun of it.
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The rhyming is almost a little....bumpy? But DON'T YOU DARE CHANGE IT because I like it that way. It adds even more insanity to the poem, and at least it's bumpy throughout the piece. You stick to it.
"and the past becomes present,
life becomes unpleasant,
love turns into hell, "
"i know what it's like to feel insane.
when the floor i'm walking
opens up and starts talking,
while these walls are caving in,
these shadows become my new best friends."
Nice!
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I Really Like This Poem.
I Don't Know Who Would Laugh At The Title
I Like It Through And Through Though
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Young poet
It is strange how some in their youth battle with their thoughts and yet there will come a time when the knowledge gained will outweigh the pain. write on young poet & ty for your nice comment.
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Hmm...the rhyme scheme (if there is one) confuses me, because I can't figure it out. Overall it sounds pretty dark and sinister.
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I like this
I love the imagery you use in this. It is very enjoyable to read and leaves the reader feeling like Alice and they are lost in Wonderland.
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I like the title quite a bit.
:]
I love the repetition used in this, how it sets the mood for the reader, and I loved the lines about the floor opening up to talk. Brilliant. You are very talented, my friend.
Keep writing, and I'll keep reading. -
LOL
oh wow, I like this poem a lot. And I like your title, what are you talking about? There's something about clocks that just appeals to me for some reason
Um yeah, but anyway I like this part:
these shadows are my new best friends.
everything repeats
while i'm tangled in these sheets,
sweat filled nights marked with screaming and kicking
i'm living through the nightmares,
all the while,
the clock keeps ticking.
click click click,
the clock keeps ticking.
....Wow. That's all I can say. -
I the beginning repitition of click. It creates the sound in my mind which sets up the rest of the poem really well. The middle creates a really intense and relatable feeling and then I really like how you close out where you started. This is a really great poem
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i really do like the title - it's engaging. the sporadic rhyme worked really well. the whole poem is quite vivd.
nice work.
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one of your best
it was great very smooth use of words and very easy imaginative property
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"i know what it's like to feel insane.
when the floor i'm walking
opens up and starts talking,
these walls are caving in,
these shadows are my new best friends." - Great imagery. Very vivid and powerful.
Also, I happen to like your title. That's what drew me to the poem. It's simple, yet makes you think.
Great write.
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