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i am so fragmented.

i'm holding you
as i see

the skin you are forced to grab at.
the patterned skin you hate.

and i see you ugly.

covered up.
weightless.

i see your heart warm.
but i see the world cold cold cold

and i wonder how long it takes before it numbs you.

Author notes

5th November 2008

petrichor.

i don't think i will ever ever ever be the person i want to be.



i don't think this is actually good enough for the contest, or good enough full stop, but it's what inspired me, so i'm entering.

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • whiterabbit.
    May 7

    Edit | Reply
    I really love this and all of the emotions in your words. Your word choice is amazing and you're so talented in the way you write. Wonderful write dear.


  • bird-mad girl
    November 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    My goodness darling your pieces have been so short and so intensely ardent lately!

    I think in the first line of the second stanza you meant "forced" instead of "force."

    The emotion was so frank and I just love the over all attitude in this piece. I don't want to say that it was rough and tough but there seemed to be this vibe of "I won't take your bullshit." Even though it was fierce it seemed to be brought on by witnessing despair and disappointment.

    I love the use of the word "cold" and how you repeated it. I thought that was lovely. As I read the three of them stuck together I got so icy and I kid you not my teeth did a little chattering.

    I could relate to this piece a lot. It's so hard to be the girl I want to be. The problem is I want so much that I just set myself up for letdowns and frustration.

    I think you're beautiful just the way you are.

    ♥


    • petrichor
      November 8, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      i don't think i have any energy left to write long pieces, I think i end up over complicating pieces when I do. thank you for the correction, i'll go back and change that (:
      ily xxxxx


  • samantha jean
    November 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This is just plain amazing. So much raw emotion demonstrated in such a short piece. Beautiful.
    The last line is very clever to me. Instead of calling this person numb right away, you display the torture of becoming numb.
    Also, I like the repeat of the word 'cold'.
    Great write. I think it should be good enough for the contest because it is pure and honest.

1 - 5 of 5