My love hath wandered
many a moonlit night,
seeking to soothe desire,
fulfill seductive craving plight.
Search he for coagulated
sweet upon his tongue.
Divulging in the flesh in
many way a-more than one.
Cerridwyn, I call to the
in hopes of mine redemption.
Hold dear a demon, alas,
and summon its preemption.
Take flight into midnight sky
and I await the here.
Take mine hand, oh savior
to spare a million tears.
Forever bask in glory
of the dreaded devil's kiss.
While others quake in fear
I yearn for same thing missed.
Clinging to memories
times yonder past, and more,
the passion and desire
one cocky sauntered through mine door.
Where art thou, gentle demon
blessing bed chamber of mine?
Getting drunk on ecstacy,
on blood and upon wine?
Where hath the hours gone
when we held darkness' embrace?
Shared yours and basked in death,
written upon your limbs and face?
Feast upon me lover,
before thine heart is torn
from its cage, as has been mine,
while here I pine for you, forlorn.
Author notes
Too Cryptic? Simple.
A woman who fell in love with a vampyre craves his touch
and moans to the night this lonely plea.
Please critique how effective my shakespearian style was
and the overall story telling of the poem.
Thankyou.
A contest entry
- Darke-hearte. by Dragonmind.
700 points, ended November 14, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How Do You Like My Soul? --- Critical Review
Comments
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Yeah, the story was pretty apparent, wonderfully portrayed. Your Shakespearean touch was just what it needed to complete it. The words you chose gave me a very vivid imagery of what was happening and of the story line.
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duhhhhh... excuse me whike i wipe the drool from my mouth. my goodness, that was good.
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i think you have written this beautifully. the ryhme i think is perfection. Though... i think you could have a stronger selection of words. that is,words that stand out a little more, and a bit more imagery. But i enjoyed reading this thouroughly,and that is what counts.
so, Superb job on this. and yes i do mean it. I'm not just being nice.
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