Note after note,
Slow as an unmanned rowboat
A monotonous drone plays,
Blanketing everything with haze
Days run together,
Full of cloudy weather
People milling about,
Makes me wanna shout
Song's set in a minor key,
Exciting only to a minuscule degree
But... what's this?
Was that a soft brush of bliss?
Totally unexpected,
Not wanting to be affected
In a moment so abrupt,
How could this erupt?
Trying to resist the urges,
But a new tune emerges
Feelings that make the heart glow,
Begin pouring in a steady flow
Something has changed,
The melody has rearranged
Now brimming with sincerity,
My life's song is a rarity
A contest entry
- absolutly anything! by nobodys-girl.
527 points, ended December 29, 2008, 81 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Honest opinion
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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yes!good job
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good
good -
Ah, this is so pretty. The rhyme worked great with the layout you used.Your vocabulary is wonderful and the simplicity pulls it together brilliantly.
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very very good
this is great it rhymes and at first I did not feel it.
because your phrase are so well done
songs set in minor key rhyming with degree in next line. every rhyming word is so unique.
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I liked how some of the rhymes aren't normally used.How they rhyme but most people wouldn't have thought of it
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the rhyme is awesome, not forced at all, and the flow is excellent. this was really nice to read. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!
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AWESOME
i'm in awe
me i'm not a big fan of rhyme the only time i write with ryhm is if it occurs without any effort on my part
(far to much effort for the lazy person)
but you pulled this off extremely well it kept me into it all the way through and i found the tense increased as you get to the end nice job it also creates a really good mental image
three clappys for you
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Welcome to Allpoetry
Hello, Adamant
Though I'm not a fan of rhyme myself, I admire how well you've done so. Good rhyme helps keep your readers' attention, as does your fantastic vocabulary. This is definitely written with a maturity beyond your years.
Such truth in so few words... Sometimes it's the beauty in the little things around us that can make it so amazing and worth-living
Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns.
Write on!
Laura
Site Greeter
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Lol the ocassional happiness is wonderful!
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