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Meanderings at 2am Friday morning before bed

sporadic thud jarred me -

a reminder to breathe

during my inability to be whole

 

a healing effect

at one a.m. sharp

 

the clock counts minutes

inside my head

until a taste of morning coffee

brings warmth

eyes stay quiet in a blend of soft tones

 

dreams are seduced

hanging on the edge of entrapment

swept quickly under rugs

as I become wallpaper

my mind narrows

around daily rhythms

nerve grinds on top of nerve

 

the world seems

to be made

of delicate glass

and if I walk too heavy

it will break

and swallow me

 

edges are peeled back

my heart is exposed

I offer up this soul

on a silver plated platter

 

a drop of life

free falling fast

controlled kind of burn

completed by late night discussions

with dying alphabets

 

ink drips lightly

onto pages

squeezed between lines

from the tip of pen

dissected and studied

in the mist of sandy eyes

 

and I think to myself

“ I’m not myself today, perhaps I’m you”

 

sullen stars become submissive

it’s two a.m.

 

 

11/7/08

Author notes

Prompt: your soul beats on a platter

Ehh...not totally happy with the ending...may edit

A contest entry

Let's go skinny dipping...

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Swan song gold member
    February 10
    Edit | Reply
    i am too shy to go skinny dipping lol
    but your poem is excellent lol

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    November 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Ver well done, it took me a few readings to process completely -

    really love the emotion.


  • Dalaney gold member
    November 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    do not TOUCH that ending. I love it. It is perfect. The entire poem is one I could read over and over, so will bookmark for those nights when I, too, am up with the stars. This is wonderful. Love, Lane


  • notorious gold member
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "I become wallpaper"
    AHHHHHH this was so good; wallpaper is often perceived as boring, LoL, but this line was anything but...lovedlovedloved♥ed it.

    "edges are peeled back
    my heart is exposed
    I offer up this soul
    on a silver plated platter"
    This entire stanza felt unnecessary to me; particularly "I offer up this soul/on a silver-plated platter"...it felt too obvious for the prompt (I don't think 'obvious' is the correct word to convey what I feel, but my vocabulary is seriously dumb today).

    " “ I’m not myself today, perhaps I’m you” "
    Ohhhhhhhh that's beautiful.

    Jessica

  • NomDePlume silver member
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    An hours worth

    of journey through the morning of a soul. It feels good until I reach this line near the end.
    "
    a drop of life
    from the deepest part of my vortex
    controlled kind of burn
    completed by late night discussions
    with dying alphabets"

    This stanza trips my mind and finds it difficult to correlate the first six stanza's with "late night discussions" as I awoke at 1:00 am and end the piece at 2:00 am, and I find no solace in "dying alphabets".


  • Luna Tique Fringe
    November 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i don't know what those strange charecters are down there..yikes!

    i'm not myself today, perhaps i'm you

    spooky, huh?

  • Luna Tique Fringe
    November 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    i really like this, though for me the poem begins at

    i become wallpaper  - lot of stuff, in those 3 words

    maybe a little tighening in the middle, my take on the ending :

    and I think

        "I’m not myself today, perhaps I’m you"


    as sullen stars become submissive
    at two a.m.

     

     

     

    you rock, missy !


  • Grunts Girl silver member
    November 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    the comparison to wall paper was what i did so like.
    i dont know why... maybe that was what set up the feeling in this for me...
    i liked the ending.. the giving in yet not really wanting to


  • Jersene gold member
    November 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    'the world seems
    to be made
    of delicate glass
    and if I walk too heavy
    it will break
    and swallow me'

    these are wonderful lines...so rich with great imagery and emotion...and so coherent for 2 a.m..


  • tara wilson gold member
    November 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    " the world seems

    to be made

    of delicate glass

    and if I walk too heavy

    it will break

    and swallow me"

    love that...this is powerful




  • Randomly Beautiful
    November 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    with dying alphabets is a wonderful phrase that conjured up so much.



    Hey, I'm all for the skinning dipping...lol. Used to do it all the time back when I was 17...ahhhh...the good old days.

1 - 11 of 11