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Deathly Echoes

 
It had been a week since last time
a whole week of silence..but
Listening carefully I hear it
the voice has returned....
A low hum at first but the words become louder and louder
like deafening echoes they bounce inside my skull
pressing against my brain
repeating over and over
until I can't take it any more
grabbing my coat I storm out into the cool night air.

The eve trembles as anticipation draws near
hope, dreams crumble, bow before my fear.

Staggering, the sobering breeze hits hard,
pulling her collar round she walks hurriedly away from town.
Away from the hustle and bustle of people,
away from the lights but mostly
away from safety.
Not a care in the world as her heels click upon the dark pavement.
Her mind on tomorrows events,
things she will never get to do.

Blood lit chalice cry out loud,
go my son, make me proud.

I walk quickly, the voice ringing within
my heart thumps loudly against my chest
no point in resisting, I had tried so hard...at first.
Yet...the power of life, the power of taking it
so overwhelming, the need grows more each time
I feel no guilt, no remorse, I am dead inside
A small shadow flickers in front of me...
heels click the pavement, resounding
the pitch of the voice is becoming urgent
I close my eyes, needing to do this,
needing the silence that follows.

Running silence is but a dream
the emptiness within a scream.

Nothing could prepare her for the shock,
a single scream shatters the silence
as swiftly placing my hand over her mouth
I drag her into the dark alley.
Like a wild thing she fights
struggling to be free, to run, to live.
But her scanty frame is no match for me
I quickly overpower her
a hard slap stings her cheek
that's when the tears begin.
Oh why must they all resort to tears?

Show no mercy only pain
bled her slowly from each vein.

Her whole body is trembling with sobs,
muffled pleas can just be heard under my palm.
I close my mind off to them, shut them out
the voice still echoing...
Her eyes radiate fear
panicked mind working over time,
how to break free?
Should she plead?
Fight?
No matter, she'll be with the rest soon enough.

Watch cold steel glint and glow
let the life force swiftly flow

The scalpel is cold against her soft skin
she begins to shake her head rapidly,
body bucking hard against me,
eyes wide with terror.
I can smell the fear surrounding her
pure bliss.
Inhaling deeply I close my eyes briefly
savouring the moment.

Look at what you've begun
come, lets enjoy the fun.

One swift movement sees the scalpel pierce her throat,
shock coats her eyes as she becomes deadly still.
With great force I push the blade downwards,
slicing through her chest and stomach.
A slow trickle of blood begins to flow
gurgling, the light leaves her eyes.
Not even a scream
as her intestines slither out onto the floor.

Use her remains to quench
clear the earth of her stench.

Slumping she hits the ground hard
her soulless eyes wide
glassy and so very dead.
I gaze at her for a while
wondering...
The first droplets of rain begin to fall,
Pulling my jacket tighter
I speed up my pace, hoping to get home before the storm starts.





Author notes

I do NOT in anyway endorse anything I have written, it is purely fantasy and for contest purposes only.

I need to work on this some I think still, some parts I am not overly happy with. But I have a muse so strike while the irons hot...not sure if its a good muse or not...I haven't written much free verse really, the bits of rhyme are the voices telling him what to do. There is a intentional lack of feeling, as that's the way I wanted it to come across, cold heartless and sort of matter of fact. Have I succeeded so far? Still not sure if I like it or not yet..lol.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 29 of 29

  • snakeprincess742
    January 22

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    wow i like it , im kinda scared i might do it myself if i lose my mind with james twisted mmy reastly good right , the scene came of the screen good work- shakes allite and hugs her-


  • BrokenNotForgotten
    December 8, 2008
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    Wonderful, wonderful! This poem is astonding! Good luck and thanks for entering!

  • EmeraldDreams
    November 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great write! I have studied criminal psychology for many years now, and you have captured a lot of feeling and emotion in your piece here. The imagery is wonderful, very dark. I really lliked the rhyming sections linking the piece, they worked really well.


  • aboomer silver member
    November 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow - definitely full of great images and emotion. Holds the reader on the edge of the seat - all the way through. At first, I didn't realize it was a story - then, of course, I was hooked....lol
    Great job! And so well deserving of the Gold!! Congratulations!!
    I liked this all, but especially the lines,

    'Running silence is but a dream
    the emptiness within a scream.'

    Excellent!


  • Dark Otter
    November 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Damn, you are good!

    I like to do 'free verse style prose' storytelling and this piece I would find hard to compete against. The voice and the pacing and the imagery are top notch.

  • Methusala
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    hey this was effin great. it reminded me of the david berkowitz (you know, the son of sam) a little bit, amongst other things. great!


  • Synthetic-Nightmare
    November 11, 2008

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    HELL YEAH!!!

    THIS IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!! I love the killer's mind, how you brought us into his twisted yet tortured psyche. It would be something scary to be one of his victims yet at the same time, quite the experience

  • K a t gold member
    November 10, 2008

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    YEAH!!!! Mommy this is perfectly dark and very captivating to read.. I love it so much. the imagery is not only extremely dark, intense and eerie.. stepping into the mind of a serial killer and all is absolutely amazing.. wow you've done a brilliant job with this poem.. the imagery is fantastic and I think that you will do fine in this contest

    I love it..

    I love you
    kat


  • Reptile Lady gold member
    November 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my god !
    What images your portrayed here
    Eerie dark and that scalpel made me shudder !
    Brilliant I am so pleased your dark muse is back with a flow
    Best wishes in the contest Sis
    Julie


  • Sylvyrwyng gold member
    November 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Staggering the sobering breeze hits hard,( you need a comma between staggering and the)

    Blood lit chalice cry out loud, (should this be - blood lit chalice cries out loud? not quite comprehending this one line except on the grander scale)

    I quickly over power her ( overpower is one word here.)

    gurgling the light leaves her eyes. (comma between gurgling and the )

    Other than those dearest, this is one great piece of work.


    • LadyDementia gold member
      November 10, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks, grammar tends to go out the window when I write Not that I'm great at it to begin with Thanks for checking it out for me

  • Ktulu Blackwolfe silver member
    November 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is EXACTLY what I was looking for, right off the bat. I love the lack of feeling and very dark tone here.

    **Ktulu Blackwolfe**

  • Fritz O skennick silver member
    November 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow!!! Edge of the seat stuff...

    Love it!!!
    Had me looking over my shoulder... lol!
    Great characterisation, pace, suspense & drama...
    Absolutely fantastic...
    Keep up the good work...
    Well done!!!
    Good luck in your contest.............


  • AliceinPoetryLand gold member
    November 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh this is just excellent! I was sitting on the edge of my chair reading this! You have captured what was asked for and then some in this, you deranged lady! But seriously, an excellent piece for the contest requirements! Stunningly vivid imagery!
    Very dark and creepy, as the human mind can be.
    Thanks so much for your entry
    gaylene


    • LadyDementia gold member
      November 8, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks I was a little unsure as I normally write rhyme so its a little different for me..pleased it hit the spot

  • October
    November 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You have indeed succeded in making this matter of
    fact, Cold and calculated even. I mean after all that, the biggest concern is getting wet from the rain --Heartless I tell ya!
    I was enthralled by this story--
    like a scary movie-- when those parts come, and you know you should look away, but you cant! because your trapped in that moment.
    That is what it was like to read this super creepy but amazing piece.
    Your muse is on fire
    Good luck in the contest


  • Black Narcissus gold member
    November 8, 2008
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    Remind me never to upset you. Such a wonderfully dark read.


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    November 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    all i can say is wow, i mean s seriously and i too think you have just risen up a level with that one, keep ti flowing and good luck in the contest

  • Fug-azi
    November 7, 2008

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    Seems the bar has been risen ... I wonder if I can jump that high.

    Great write, feels like I'm sat in on the confession at the police station.


  • kiwigirljacks
    November 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Now that's scary!!!!!! OMG!

    I think you captured the emotionless of the killer perfectly here... he seemed so methodic, structured, unfeeling...

    And I love the rhyme bits in between... like that voice urging the killer onward!

    This is chilling and wickedly done hunny!!

    *needs to read happy fluffy stuff now to recover*


  • Dark Otter
    November 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Jack the Ripper!

     Its his perfect personification. You have given him life in a very unique format. This is the first short story/prose that I have ever seen you do and it is quite chilling. You are a potential author with your dark horror!


    • LadyDementia gold member
      November 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Its the first one I've done...still tweaking bits, I'll be wearing out the edit button..lol Thanks for such a great comment

  • Sylvyrwyng gold member
    November 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is a great piece, however, the only hint I saw of a serial is "Oh why must they all resort to tears?" fill in the serial killer some more hon and you will have a piece that might even have me looking over my shoulder in the dark. I am withholding the bunnies until you finish... heheheheheh

    • LadyDementia gold member
      November 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks There is also the 'be with the rest soon bit' I've hit edit so many times..lol. Not written this style before so find it hard to get it how I want it, without it turning into a 5 chapter story but I will get there Thanks for the comment, pleased you like so far.

      • Sylvyrwyng gold member
        November 7, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        You have the same problem I have, take a good idea and put it into a story. lolol.... maybe you should put rats in it somewhere... lmao... ktulu gets creeped out with those... lolol... I have another one brewing, if not then I might be fleshing out Shannon's Story abit and then I think I am going to see if I can get it published in a magazine or as an independent short story

        • LadyDementia gold member
          November 7, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          Published? Wow, good luck with that I usually write in tight rhyme so this is a little different for me, thought it was time for a change Thanks for the tip about rats...will keep that info safely tucked away for a later date

          • Sylvyrwyng gold member
            November 7, 2008
            Edit | Reply
            we women are so evil... i love it! it is a good change for you and you do it well. Keep it up love and definitely keep the rat tip... he loves to be creeped out.
  • Black Rayne
    November 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    endorse or no, this is a fantasitc piece of dark writing

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