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microcosm.

this sacrifice of self;
metabolise my rising depths
to sweat-off skin i've worked within
dismiss this spirit-kiss i sing
to feed my words new health.

in all honesty, liar
you're soul has expired
and as you attempt to weave whistles between
every minute-mixed melody itching to scream
don't forget how to dream, don't forget
that although there's no bliss in your blight
snow-capped woe is a trick,
it's a trick of the light.




A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Fire-Fly
    April 13
    Edit | Reply
    Really impressed with this one - it's not an obvious rhyming set-out but it reads in an amazing way.

    "and as you attempt to weave whistles between
    every minute-mixed melody itching to scream"

    Love this very much, an absolute pleasure to read.

    Thanks for entering and good luck in my contest.


  • mum2jay
    December 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    I've read a few now and...

    ...i like the way you play with language and the way you use both internal and end ryhmes.

    And you are always interesting to read

  • vampedvixen
    November 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    My favorite phrase in this whole poem is: "every minute-mixed melody". You really seem to play with your words here, mixing them up and letting their meaning and sound really reach out to the reader and grab them. You obviously have what it takes to become a great poet, from what I am reading here. I also like the line about how their soul has expired, I know many people like that in real life and it's such a pity to see them, people walking around hurting others because they don't have a soul anymore. Congrats on a well crafted poem!


  • no-way-ap
    November 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    :)

    its a mazing as usual. i'm goin to try to comment like every one of you peoms hhaha. even the ones i dont get. its going to take forever,


    • Abominangel.
      November 8, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      thanks

      for commening

      don't forget
      that although there's no bliss in your blight
      snow-capped woe is a trick,
      it's a trick of the light.

      i want to explain this to you to see if you understand it

      in normal words this would say

      don't forget
      that although there is no happiness (as in bliss, which means happiness) in your loss of hopes and ambitions ( as in blight, which means loss of hope and ambitions )
      unhappiness ( which is woe ) is just a trick, it's not real ( as descirbled through the metaphor, it's a trick of the light )

      can you see what i mean?

      • no-way-ap
        November 10, 2008
        Edit | Reply

        yeah

        some stuff you write conveys such imagery that i cant see around it sometimes. thanks for breaking that down. it's my faviest.

1 - 6 of 6