From the socks in my doc’s
To the care in my hair
Comes an aura you’re aware
Of which you’ve come to stare
To when my sweetly sung soliloquy’s
Lull you to blues
With my views and unpolished shoes
I seem to charm and calm you
You’re fascinated with my concept
But when my slinking shadow crept
Into your nightmares as you slept
You distanced yourself from me
Worried of the darkened depth
That your ‘God’ named a blasphemy
And that enforcement on your life
Just isn’t a right that anyone should recite
Over you with authority of any degree
And the Artist that you will be
Will wish to be free and so will see
The world you missed in me
Author notes
No offence intended to any christians
A contest entry
- Frustration by Polaja.
1200 points, ended November 13, 2008, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Easy as Pie by Cyanide Dreams.
3250 points, ended April 17, 141 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How do you feel about this?
Comments
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Very nice. I liked the rhyme scheme, although some of the rhyme seemed a tiny bit forced. It kinda reminded me of dr.suess style. It's very flowing and the emotions was really good. I really liked this poem. Good job, and good luck in the contest.
Josh
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Really good
I also like the internal rhyme schematic of this poem. It gives it a rhythm that makes one almost want to tap their toes while reading this. I think this poem is a bold statement wrapped in a whimsical way. It has a serious message with a rhythm that makes it really catchy. Kind of like calling someone a slut with a smile on your face. Great job
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I like the internal rhyme in this piece - it gives it a very strong rhtyhm ... because of that rhythm this poem kind of reminded me of the story of Salome - I really liked the way that this came off as kind of aloof and distant - but with a sharp edge of frustration - well done!
Thank you for entering
Polly
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Cool poem- a lot going on and a strong rhyme scheme.
Nice work!
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