Your soul beats on a platter
serve it up
shaking hands
they falter, you fall-
Whatever mistake caused you to lie here
is causing me to contemplate, debate
truth from prophecy- can you see me now?
Hardly. I should think that I reside
somewhere in a distant memory-
perhaps dinner and a show
and both of us smiling,
but it was never meant to last.
Your soul beats on a platter
contained in two hands
an inability to comprehend
the eventuality of an ending-
The pockmarks in your arm betray you-
you're a junky, a slave to your next fix
(I am sure that I was more than that)
and once the needle dries up
you'll find a new delusion-
perhaps dinner and a show
and both of us smiling. (Let me go)
A contest entry
- your soul beats on a platter by Melissa Gayle.
1000 points, ended November 23, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I tend to agree with Melissa
The layout does not help me to find more pleasure in your words. The train and flow of thought that holds you at arms length from perhaps a suitor, lover or x is strong as is the disgust or disappointment in the life of addicted.
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The lines are indented like that to make the reader pay more attention to them. And you have, just not in a good way, lol. Also, The part in here about addiction is an addiction to love. I have an ex who falls in love every few months with a new guy ever since we broke up.
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Personally I am not fond of your layout, I don't see the need for the three indented lines in each stanza. Also, I would have prefered a bit more variety for line one in stanza two -
that said, I do believe this is a very stream of consciousness piece and it works well.
Thanks for your entry.
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