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Prey

Part of me wants to follow you
my eagle eyes trace your features
your heavy bones
wide jaw
unwary azure eyes
cloaked in coke bottle glasses
  [beveled to conceal your weakness]

That part of me wants to walk in your trail
silent, unnoticed
to know your beginnings
and to be your ending

my teeth into your hidden softness
sinking...
subdue your strength with my agility
with my grace

Forget my life
my responsibility...
be your shadow
your unnoticed companion
one you're never without
  [and neither am I]

you look up from your paper
into my brown fawn eyes
I smile...
and you look away

Where does it take you?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • acari27 gold member
    November 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh hello

    wow- you know what, this took me a couple of reads, but this is interesting,

    that angle about following him unnoticed

    see first i couldnt work out who was the prey-you were following was he the prey to you?

    but the tones so self sacrificing, just for a taste, and the rebuffs so awful after that admission of what you do-just for that unreciprocated shadow.

    this one was really rewarding in analysis.

    great angle...but feels like you didnt have a choice, seems to come from your gut-it is what it is

    my friend. someone did a number on you.


    • ParadoxFry
      November 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Hrm, interesting angle! I love that you really take the time to read and re-read and get to where it really takes you. I really appreciate that.

      It was a bit of play on the predator/prey thing. Being a predator, with a sudden reversal at the end.

      Sort of like thinking that I'm so big, so confident, and then instantly becomming meak just when I should be acting at my most confident.

      It came to me when I was riding the train to work... I saw a good loooking guy, and my 'stalker' brain kicked in... and I was eyeing him... wondering what it would be like to follow him... where was he going? Where did he come from? What does he taste like?

      I suppose it may have a bit to do with a certian other situation, but it wasn't really intended to be so.

      • acari27 gold member
        November 7, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        yeah i did feel 'him' in it you know...

        interesting it wasnt intended to be about him, the following especially-it felt like him


        what does he taste like?

        -man im so hard up those 5 words turns me on....!

        tasty men....