i go
quivering
tripping over myself
in a rush to
complication
and blindness
a maddening sprint for
nonsense and
unrealism
the frayed knot of
my rope to logic
pulling tight and slipping away
never mind the burning
rolled-back whites of
my eyes
for here the light is so much
brighter
even when
i don't see
Author notes
there's like an hour left in this contest... inspiration was NOT riding with this one. with Any one in the last while, actually. Jessica, in the future when I'm really jonesing to write, I'll tackle that prompt again, pro bono. Man, I just got to say pro bono.
prompt: over-rated smile
(do you get it?)
A contest entry
- exclusive: [invite contest] by notorious.
1480 points, ended November 13, 2008, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Ha!
Sounds like love, and all the reverence and utter crap written for it over the aeons.
Like it is some deity to be worshipped for bring light and hope to a dark, hollow space. -
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thus the pull of an over-rated smile.
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Brillant!
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I miss your writing.
A lot. -
i read this poem while "The Dead Flag Blues" by Godspeed You! Black Emperor was playing and it fit perfectly
that song is beautiful and so is this poem
you should be proud m'dear :]
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I didn't even realize it was November 7th
Anyways, for something that was written w/o inspiration...well, I don't believe you.
"i go
quivering"
Maybe just:
"i quiver
tripping over myself"
What do you think?
Otherwise, there was nothing I didn't like; this was kick-ass and so you.
"in a rush to
complication
and blindness"
The short line breaks...I really diggeth them. I also just love (and cringe) at the idea of well, rushing to such things...
"never mind the burning" Poignant much?!!! ♥♥♥♥ that.
I love that; like, "I don't matter..."
Even though you do.
Thanks for entering, Jess.!
Jessica
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i messed around with the first lines a couple of times when i wrote this because it wasn't coming out right.. i don't know if i like your way better or not, but i'm gonna leave it as is for the 'judging'.
smart people tend to cringe at the idea. hopefully it got the overrated part across. weeeeeeeee. thanks : )
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ha overrated smile. love it! <3
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