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Gold Plated Alloys

Gold plated alloys,
simmering symmetry
beaten into shapeless identification
for who can say what a platter should look like?

Melt molten madness
in the feckless frailty of life,
top it off with innocence caught unawares
in the form of a soul sapped of its power.

Rum pum pum beat that thrumming rhythm,
beat its solid gold essence into
the gold plated alloys
of simmering symmetry
and shapeless identification.

Just another soul beaten
another soul consumed
in the fire of censored creativity.

Another soul poured down the tube
of modern technology.

Your soul beats on that platter
of gold plated alloys
designed to capture life.

Your soul beats on
Your soul beats
Your soul ...

A contest entry

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

  • NomDePlume silver member
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    A nice piece of slam

    Are you a slam poet by nature? The metal work, the artistry and the loss stand out in this work. I enjoyed it very much.


    • tanzanite
      November 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I love slam and have always wanted to do some slam but have never managed to do so. I am excited that you could see slam in this as I did upon reflection after I read your comment. Thank you for making my day!

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    November 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    There is a lot of word repetition in this piece. I would have preferred to see a bit more variety -

    that being said I think your last three lines are strong just as they are.

    Thank you for your entry.