Peppermint coated tongue
masked the spirits
that clung tightly
to her soul,
pressing as palm
on pill bottle cap
that unleashed
demons for happy hour-
Uninvited guests
roamed vacant temple
where grace once resided,
while graffiti littered walls
spoke deception
in loathsome tongue
as death crept
like vine on prison wall-
Artificial tears
was all that would bathe
an overly numb face
on rainy days,
as Oscar hopeful
would make believe
life was a soap opera
and trip through
tired dialogue,
as life would
fade to black;
regrets were
written on
post it notes
and sealed with
candy scented kiss-
Author notes
mood ring turned red
A contest entry
- Let your mind explore by Learning2PaintYou.
550 points, ended November 8, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites, come and get them by Ryno.
638 points, ended November 24, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - UNPLANNED: as unexpected as you [preliminary round] by Never Fall in Love.
400 points, ended December 22, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prose && free verse by jayyniecakes..
400 points, ended February 21, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I like it all but especially the ending . It is very powerful and filled with stark imagery.
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yes.
Immense potential.
You're in.
http://allpoetry.com/group/show/UNPLANNED%20as%20unexpected%20as%20you
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Yes
I see you've edited the linebreaking since my last read - well done!
PS: I know I've said it again but your imagery is so strong.
Please wait for Chandni's response. -
The imagery in this piece is so strong. It is really creative and really shows the situation and emotion really well. It really lures the reader in and shows them how serious this really is. Very powerful.
My suggestion would be to work on your linebreaking... I found some of the lines could've been broken up to add extra emphasis in some spots.
Also, I found your final stanza not as powerful as previous stanzas - and our final section is where we should really go out with a bang, it is the readers last impression of your poem.
Other then that, really well written poetry here. I loved it. -
feeling it
~prewrites, come and get them -
Wow....nice jumble of metaphors!! You're an inspiration. It takes someone with gifts to make a poem with such balance, tranquility, and emphasis like this one. This poem is timeless, good job.
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This poem leaves me with that wow-I-don't-really-know-what-to-think feeling. This is a powerful poem. I like that you connect the end to the beginning by going back to the mouth. This poem definitely tells a story. I'm not quite sure what else to say. I really like this poem and I'll probably have to read it a couple more times.
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