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Vibrant Reminders

Blissful, euphoric
ambiance shatters
as dreams
of peaceful rest
dissolve into
stark reality's
chaotic kaleidoscope.


While merely a foray
from life's
colorful nuances,
these utopian episodes ~

when one is extricated

by constant stimulous ~

seem so much more

a life desired...

 

Alas, dreams do fade

in reality's reign,

as our noisly loved ones

serve as vibrant reminders

defining our existance.

 

Author notes

POW Contest
Theme: Family, more than dreams, defines us.
20 Lines Max

(Note: This was written amongst a mass amount of kaleidoscopic confusion, hense the theme )

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 15 of 15
  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    November 11, 2008

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    Well you already know that I love this poem it is a true viewing of your heart and love through chaos lol thanks for your entry take care.

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    November 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply


  • Soft-Rain gold member
    November 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I only have one this to say...maybe this wasn't your best as for POW but God looked down at the man who has struggled to come into a family. A place of new territory. He has watched your grief along the way and seen the growth of Gods love shown here.

     

     A completely unselfish write.
    (I was here the day you wrote it and with no reserves in a POW this was the up most difficult task. There was no time to ponder among the noise level and distractions. Instead of getting angry or giving up..you used your envirment to write something that God and I smiled at. I didn't find it as "personal".This write was  great leaps of spiritual gain. You get a shiny gold crown in heaven for this one.


    Seek not the treasure upon earth rather store them in heaven...I will not quote that because i am not saying it right, but hey nobodies perfect.


    Sure poets can go outside see and ant or a mountain and use that enviroment, but what poet can live in a house with TV blaring loud freaky music and wrestling boys, mad girls and a screaming baby all in the same room as you, and still come out with something beautiful that touched upon this heart.
    I am proud of you and so is God.

    Love is common but wow.... love conquers all.



    Your Lifetime,
    ~Lisa~


  • Lost Vampyre Angel
    November 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Welcome to another POW tim!
    this was a rather confusing poem for me more on the theme of the poem ,it only occurred to me that it was about family on the ending stanza before hand i thought it was about a stressful bad life which was something out a nightmare. hmm then again i am tired so i dunno.

    this defiantly wasn't your strongest or your best work i have seen, i have read much better work from you quill but you get props for using fancy words with me!
    No editing once a judge has touched your work.

    ~
    ~
    kitty xxx


  • NeonRose
    November 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hello, and welcome to the POW

    Great use of language, nice imagery and poetic content. I feel that this poem has more to say, and was hampered by the line restriction rule, but you have managed to squeeze a good deal into those lines.

    I think in the last stanza, "noisly" should be "noisy". This was the one line that stuttered, IMO. Perhaps the adjective is not necessary at all.

    My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest.

    Remember, no editing once a judge has commented.


  • Arkbear gold member
    November 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Hello Tim

     

    *shatters......COMMA......

     

    First S* really sets the Tone for this write.....nice job ~

     

    No need for *these* utopians.....as we already know you are speaking of *them*

     

    No tilde ( ~ ) after *episodes* & *stimulus*.....caused my brain to stop, as you know I use them instead of periods in most of all my work, or text.....just a little something you should remember  

     

    *as* our noisly loved one.......no need for * as*.......we see the movement of imagery & thought taking place already ~

     

    *vibrant reminders.....COMMA......defining....COMMA.......our existance*.......remember Tim.....you have set a wonderful Tone.....no reason to rush me out the door with your speech.....slooooow me down and place a Lasting Impression upon me before I turn the page

     

    Over-all......just as I said to Zach, an entry before this one......try not to bring so much emphasis on your own *experience*......yet, bring us into a world of the unknown......and this shall raise your Creativity score considerably

     

    Of course.....when something like your write happens, penning it and getting it out, can be Very therapuedic (sp)?

     

    Over-all....not your best write......but, grammatical expressions did bring a fresh approach to your write and I enjoyed watching as your house was all a-buzz*

     

    Thank you for entering and God bless you.....hang in there.....Life gets better each day!

     

    Bear ~

     

    Title   9.0....*Vibrant* just did not do it for me -

    Flow  9.6....stumbled only a few times.....use those commas to slooow me down....I want to absorb E V E R Y word you choose to use -

    Depth   8.8..not a lot of depth...except those of *personal* experience -

    Theme 6.85..break out your creativity quill! -

    Feelings   9.1....I was engaged in your personification and subject ....but, too personal.....for me -

    Grammar   9.85....lovely, as always -

    Presentation 9.15...S*'s seemed to be a tad to long -

    Uncommonness  6.7...seen this Theme done far too many times -

    Sit & Ponder Affect  8.4...I did ponder, but only because you have such a beautiful poetic voice, no matter what you write about -

    Ability to follow Rules  10! -

    Bears Score:  87.45

    Not your best.....your score obviously reflects this

    No editing until after contest closes ~


    • Xianaria gold member
      November 9, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      Dear friend,

      Sometimes a common theme is more important, as family should take priority over personal interests (regardless of what they may be). This is a more personal write for me, as I pondered my own purpose: what, truly, is more important, getting an entry into a contest (while being distracted by the kids around me) or the kids around me? Thank you for the comments & God bless ~

      • Arkbear gold member
        November 9, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        I agree to the fact that Family is MOST important over persoanl interests.....However....I do not agree that a common Theme in the POW Contest was your best shot at Gold ......or Silver or Bronze ~

        Great write, but I stick by my score and review

        • Xianaria gold member
          November 9, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          Yeah, yeah
          I wasn't asking for a redo review, I had an epiphany or something. Yes, I saw your scoring, but that's ok ~ THIS TIME

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    November 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Hey there just stopped by to wish you luck in the contest and to say I like your poem life is really like one big kaleidoscope that is always changing.Good luck to you

    • Xianaria gold member
      November 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you
      There were about 4 teens/young adults + a baby in this room when I tried writing This is what came out...
      Lisa was here, too, but she was a perfect

      • Starz of Heaven gold member
        November 6, 2008
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        Well I am glad that Lisa was perfect someone has got to keep you under control lol

        • Xianaria gold member
          November 7, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          Yes, if you've ever watched "Everyone Loves Raymond," Lisa is like Ray's wife ~ the glue that keeps the craziness from exploding into a million pieces

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