I poked a spirited badger with a spoon,
and broke into a magical, melodious tune,
of smelly onions, ducks and lima beans,
which proceeded to tick off the wolverines.
So, off jumped the leader, a runt of an elf,
had a beer in hand and stunk a bit himself,
from living in wild animal dander and fur.
He scratched his crotch and poked at a burr.
The tractor couldn’t have arrived any sooner,
Ran his butt over and shattered his schooner.
A ride on the tire swing proved to do the trick,
my mind eased and the hefty guilt I did kick.
In the fields of daisies I found myself prancing,
when an army of fire ants started advancing.
With bucket on my head, I pulled down my pants,
I yelled and I charged and I peed on those ants!
Off I floated down the river of my wild dreams,
I laughed and scoffed at the fairies' screams,
for I was busy playing solitaire on my red raft.
My seven ex-wives proclaim I can be so daft.
Good God, which way do I have to run,
to get to that gorgeous Catholic nun?
Yes, she’ll forgive the errors of my ways,
which follow me from the good old days
~Kim Schilling~
Author notes
One definition of schooner: a large beer glass
prompt #1 : make me laugh. can be silly, ignorant, funny, whatever, i must lol.
In a list
- Humor • next in list
- Contest • next in list
- Bronze • next in list
- Gold • next in list
- HM's • next in list
A contest entry
- Sweet insanity by XXAgedWithDespairXx.
550 points, ended April 24, 28 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Easy win contest. I'm simple. by happy kitty kat.
700 points, ended July 4, 33 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Humor Me by AndrianTimeswift.
800 points, ended July 19, 23 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Wacky Poetry Contest by Florida Sunshine.
700 points, ended November 4, 58 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Romance, Music/Band Geeks, Fun! by Crazy9Piano8Freak.
700 points, ends December 5, 63 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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I remember reading this one. It was really funny! Had me laughing all the way through. Thanks for ntering and best of luck too you in the contst.
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Start to finish this is entertaining to read ~ you did a fantastic job ~
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I always thought a schooner was a relatively small glass of beer. But then I am an enormous glutton and drinker, after all.............
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You are a riot!!!
Anyone with a sense of humor this twisted is aces in my book.
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This is well written as well as funny... Bravo... I LMAO... Thanks for entering the contest.
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lol this was funny! I laughed. Thnx for entering and best of luck!
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LMAO This is too funny. Man what you wrote here had me rolling. LOL The ending was classic in my books. I enjoyed the read!!! Thank you for entering my contest
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I love it. There is so much humor instilled throughout. Every line seemed to make me smile or laugh. By the end I had tears in my eyes and was practically rolling around on the floor laughing. It was truly a pleasure to read. The flow was wonderfully smooth and the rhyme spot on. Loved the wonderful imagery as well, very vivid. Thank you so much for this wonderfully amusing entry. It was definitely what I was looking for. Best of luck in the contest.
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Some good rhyme here, and most of it had good flow but a few lines could be altered here and there to get a fluent meter. I liked the insanity of this, a great poem. Thanks for entering
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Teehee!
This made me giggle. ^.^ -
FINALIST LIST!
hahah poor ants -
I like it muchly! This is funny! I wish there were fewer references to alcohol, but that's okay. It's one of the funniest entries yet!
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lol,pretty funny
and wierd, and strange, and insane, and funny, and drunken, and schoonery, and drunken, and funny, and you could get me a thesaurus but i still thought it was good. -
I like this a lot! Good Luck
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Hah!
I know a schooner from an arse boyo again--hah!
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haha wonderfull piece
well written, imaginitive, original, and wierd
well done, thanks for entering and good luck
xxx
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Thank you for entering my contest. You have a great sense of humor and imagination. Can I havr some of that stuff that you were smoking when you wrote this. ;-)
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HAHAHA LMAO Girl, what a wonderful imagination you have, this is beautiful.
Best wishes in the contest
Love
Don
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LMAO This was so funny. it was really weird too. I enjoyed the read!!! Thank you for entering my contest
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Wow! Amazing! Thanks for entering.
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I have a very very strong feeling that you will have a ton of poems just by experiences with all your animals I would bet there are tons of short ones haikus also. This was very good and opens a lovely light to your soul
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Haha. This is truly random. I enjoyed it and it gave me a good laugh. I thought maybe you had gotten into some of those hallucinigenic toads. Until i got to the part about the seven ex-wives I pictured this as you being the person involved.
In that light, these lines were hysterical:
In the fields of daisies I found myself prancing,
when an army of fire ants started advancing.
With bucket on my head, I pulled down my pants,
I yelled and I charged and I peed on those ants!
Loved it.
Mike
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Hahaha! Fantastic! Nonsensicalness aplenty.. and the 'poking badgers with spoons'.. i actually wrote a theory a couple of years ago about that (Ootherwise they don't know they're a badger).. bunnies came into it somewhere too.. thankyou for the happy reminder of that! I really enjoyed reading this, lots of funny images to keep me amused! Thankyou for entering and best of luck!
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Certainly fits the contest prompt but seems to me to suffer from a kind of poetic arrythmia. I think it would have been more humourous had it maintained a regular scansion to help promote its daftness.
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