Somewhere,
The night is on the run
With a bottle of moonshine
And a loaded, rusty gun.
Desperate,
With darkness all around
A wind of sweeping shadows
Conceals the muffled sound.
And cornered,
Then broken in the night
A wave of smoky terror
Takes shelter from the fright.
Silent,
A motion lying still,
Drunk and falling frail
The night has had its fill.
Taken,
A mist within the air,
The nightly shadow whispers
And wavers with dispare.
Dawning,
The morning makes a run
With a bottleful of sunshine,
Happiness and fun.
Critical comments welcome
Comments
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That beginning is bloody brilliant. You sucked me in with the very first line. This is amazing. Very well done!
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Somewhere,
The night is on the run
With a bottle of moonshine
And a loaded, rusty gun.
I Love beginnings like these.
OH oH Ohhh, the possibilities
Funny, never understood why my exhusband would never agree to having loaded guns around the house, especially when this redhead was drinking moonshine
FABULOUS write, tells many many stories.
Love,
jin
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Fantastic piece of work! Love the seperation that describes the night and day here. Love the flow and every word had something really good to say. The night can sometimes be an ominous place with so much mystery hiding in its shadows. Just a pick up....In the third verse, perhaps you could drop the 'and' so it fits with the rest of the poem. And throws the verse. It sounds better without it. Great write never the less.
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You have given life to the night and day! I love the imagery, like "A wave of smoky terror
Seeks shelter from the fright."
"a bottleful of sunshine" was a bit different tone from the rest of the poem, but then you are talking about night versus day. It would be cool if the first stanza said "a bottle of moonshine"--a double meaning, here. Great poem.
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