As i lay in my dark coccoon,i am happy and content_yet feel the excitement from the world on the outside_suddenly a panic from a voice within_ im all that i see even though its blur_until the bright blur colours and movement_its disturbing although im comforted and placed in the arms of my mother.
A contest entry
- PIF/Picture Inspired by AliceinPoetryLand.
1200 points, ended November 7, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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Thanx,to be honest i was hoping no-one would notice,lol it wasnt intentional,as i use my mobile and dont have the punctuation needed. the reason as to why i barely publish my work
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nice imagery
I liked the thought here... wasn't sure if you were a newborn or a chrysalis. Not quite sure what you're doing with punctuation... i.e., its = it's, im=I'm, i=I, _=,, "its blur" - not sure if you're just missing an "a" or if it was intentional. Just pointing some things out that detract from your message which is very good. - Kevin
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Great title that goes perfectly with your write about a ceasarian or C-section birth. Very nice imagery with "dark coccoon." Intensity picks up through "panic" and "bright blur colors", and is consoled in "comforted and placed in the arms of my mother."
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Oh wow what a truly creative take on the picture. You certainly went 'outside the lines' with this.
Thanks so much for your entry
Gaylene
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