Disapointment and Second Chances

I tired so hard to fix things
I tried so hard to change you
To make you a better person
To shape you into the the person i wanted you to be
Into the person i needed
It was unfair
Clearly it didn't work
And then sometimes i wonder why
If it's the reason we always fight
Because you can't be the person i want you to be
Or is it because i'm not the person you need me to be?

I try so hard not to get mad
I try so hard not to blow up
I try so hard not to cry
And i'll admit it, it's hard
Because you have disappointed me again and again and again
So many times
Too many times
So much in fact that's it's become habit
It's what i've grown to expect of you
And that's not fair, to either of us

I tried
I tried
I tried so hard
To deal with it
To ignore it
To believe that things would change
That they'd get better
Turns out i'm still waiting for it to happen
Don't worry, I won't hold my breath
Because chances are it never will

I thought
I thought
I thought so hard
About the night you kissed me
The night this began, whatever "this" is
What the hell was i doing?
I was seeing someone, so were you
Maybe things would have worked out, for both of us
Oh please, who the hell am i kidding?
I wanted it too

I cried
I cried
I cried so hard
On the night i had to make the decision
It was simple, you or him
I liked him, but it wouldn't have been fair to him
Because i loved you and i didn't want to lead him on
So i ended it
Not because i didn't like him but because i did
I didn't want to hurt him too

After that things were good, for a few days
It was casual, calm
That much i could deal with
But then things got heavy
You loved me?
What?  Didn't see that one coming
I didn't know how to respond
So i just stayed quiet
Not exactly the response you were hoping for
So we fought for real
Maybe for the first time in our lives

And that's when everything started spiraling out of control
I couldn't admit it at the time, but yes i loved you too
I don't know if i ever told you
Maybe it's better that way
It makes things easier
I fear commitment
You do too, that's why i thought we could have worked
It could have been casual
Apparently not

Be your girlfriend? What?
What happened to casual?
I didn't know if i could do it
I had to think
And i thought for weeks
I pestered everyone, asking "What should i do?"
I needed to make the decision for myself
Or else i'd never be able to live with myself

After weeks of deliberation i'd reached my conclusion
The answer was yes
I'd be yours
But then you walked out...
when i need you most
on your responsibilities
basically you walked out on us
And this had happened so many times before
I was mad

We didn't speak, not a word, for a day
That's the longest i've gone with out talking to you, ever
But i was mad and i was done
And at the time i didn't care
Just like you haden't cared the day before
Because everything is always about you
I was mad, no that's an understatement
I was furious

But time passed and i calmed down
And the old wounds healed
I tried
I tried
I tried so hard
To stay mad at you
But let me tel you, it's hard
Especially when you try to fix things

Everything is not perfect, not even close
But they are better
At least i know you care
You're still not going, but i'm working on changing your mind
It's still a work in progress
You can be so sweet when you want to be
I can't stay mad at you
But i am disappointed

You've disappointed me so many times
Over and over and over again
I don't know why i keep giving you second chances
It's probably not smart
But then again when have i ever been the smart one?
So this is the last time
I'll make you a deal, you get your 50th second chance
BUT if you disappoint me again, there are no more chances
Just silence