I want to feel you from the inside, but then you burn my tongue
Your lips looked so soft to me, but your kiss still stung
And the pale smoke makes your skin look close to death
The quivering of your hand underminds your shallow breath
The chills your fingertips leave on my spine make me scream
But I am able to replace it with another disposable dream
Dust fills your nose and brings the smell of your cigarette
The smoke curls around the dark air of your silhouette
I treasure it at first but then I suck the life out of it
I feel your eyes on my neck when I turn around to spit
You bring your mouth to mine and capture it in a kiss
The air around is thick and consuming, a nicotine abyss
A contest entry
- Let your mind explore by Learning2PaintYou.
550 points, ended November 8, 2008, 33 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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The background for this poem is highly distracting and I think it takes away from what the poem is trying to say and the wording that you thought so carefully of using. I would suggest changing it so something that people can read more easily. About the poem though, it is smokey and a bit erotic.. I really love the way you play with the metaphor of smoke and smoking and inhaling.. I think it's an excellent read and I would like to read more from you in the future! Bravo!
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thanks for you comment . KAY BYE CATS .
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yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah im talkin big boy rides and big boy iceeee (8)
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omfg whaaats up
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i said you can have whatever you likeeee (8)
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you can have whatever you likeee caaats
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heeeeeeey girl heeeeeeeey
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Great title
Really good imagery. Anything that touches our lips is some sort of kiss. We do make love to those round pieces of death. Th curling smoke from our lips tells us it's hot. -c
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Thank you.
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Ooo I liked this
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Wow. Very well done. I was a heavy smoker back about 25 years ago. Over the years I occaisionally have smoked the odd cigarette or cigar. Yesterday I was craving a smoke, I avoided it. The imagery in your poem made me recall how much I dislike smoking and kissing a smoker.
Great job.
Mike
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Thank you.
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I love it ,,, simply love it...
I want to feel you from the inside, but then you burn my tongue
Your lips looked so soft to me, but your kiss still stung
my fav lines...great imagination mine friend....
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Thank you.
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This poem has really great imagery. I love it! I like that your rhyme doesn't sound forced and it fits where you've put it. This poem is just really great. You've done a fantastic job.
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Thank you.
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stunning
absolutely amazing.
I love this, i really do.
i like the line, "I treasure it at first but then I suck the life out of it"
the one you showed me before.
its actually true.
Great piece, a favorite.
i love you <3
keep writing amazing things =]
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Thank you. I love you.
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