take me by the hand
... or scruff
but promise not to be
too rough
i drink the waters of your ache
they pool beneath us
...an endless lake
you slake my thirst but not my worry
i take my time
and you don't hurry
savouring the saltiness of your wont
posture rigid
muscles taut
don't need to fight to get what i want
drenched in the oils of your sweat
i felt you shake then you were spent
you told your story
that made you weak
i could almost love you
if you didn't speak
A contest entry
- Titles Contest... by Raven Blackwater.
875 points, ended November 16, 2008, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Wow! This is amazing. & the flow of the poem is perfect. Oh, and the ending was amazing.
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Krista.Marie
Thank you so much for reading and comenting. You made my morning!
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... loss for words here, wow! that was really incredibly good. All i could think of when i read this was my relationship. Amazing work
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ninchick08
Thanks so much for the read and kind words!
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To me, this has the rhythm of an Edgar Allen Poe poem...I love what you did with the title, poet...
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interesting, a little pushy but I think that's intentional. I love it. I feel like the rhythm and flow of it really makes the reader feel it more. well written I like it!
. Rewarded 4
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Excellent
A very fine write, indeed. You've expressed your ideas quite well. Thanks for sharing this one with us. -
"take me by the hand
... or scruff"
LOL Love the flow sis. This is adult, isn't it! LOL Love it. Write on and good luck.
Dez
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Dez
Thanks for reading! Yeah I guess it is a bit adult!
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I clicked on this because I've written a poem with the same title.
Good flow but some of the images were too abstract for me. The first image, of hand or scruff, is compelling. I loved the final two lines though, they rock.
. Rewarded 4
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Just Mercedes
Thanks for commenting. I'll have to read yours.
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That was really stunning.
Take me by the hand...
or scruff.
Those lines just hooked me.
It flowed so well, the structure was great.
The imagery was amazing too.
I really am going to end up reading this again and again
. Rewarded 4
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lemonpancake
Thanks so much for reading it! Your words made my day!
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