You took my hand and wouldn't let me go
Telling me softly, more lies, but I didn't have a clue
My wings were tattered and torn
But you said you wanted more
You always wanted more
I stood on the edge of the world
Taking in your blue eyes, thinking I was your girl
But was I ever your girl?
My wings were fragile and bruised
But thanks to you
I lost my grip
I lost everything I was used to
Upon the wings of your design
I floated about those perfect clouds
Upon the wings of your design
We touched the sky, within these clouds
And it felt like heaven
You held me close
You let me in
Taking me for granted because of the way you were living
Without air, without hope
Because faith in me was all you would hold
But I could break, and you watched me fade
And now that you've pushed me away
These wings won't let me fly today
I can't fly away
With this suffering now holding me
Binding me close to the harsh, cold ground
A contest entry
- Titles and Options OH MY! by badnovocaine.
900 points, ended November 18, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
This is what happens when I listen to Taylor Swift for two seconds.
Comments
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28 lines of "poetry"
and
38 pronouns
01. took my hand
02. let me go
03. My wings
04. I stood
05. I was your
06. was I ever
07. My wings
08. I lost
09. I lost
10. I was used to
11. I floated
12. held me close
13. let me in
14. taking me for
15. faith in me
16. But I could
17. watched me fade
18. pushed me away
19. let me fly
20. I can't fly
21. now holding me
22. binding me close
plus
01. You took
02. you said
03. you always
04. your blue
05. your girl
06. your girl
07. thanks to you
08. your design
09. your design
10. you held
11. you let
12. you were
13. you would
14. you watched
15. you've pushed
plus
01. We touched
the poem would be greatly improved by trimming a lot of the pronoun fat off it and using more colorful adjectives to describe the situation.
-
Haha I liked what you said about Taylor Swift
I get that also, music is always good for writing.
This was a different take on the title, I liked how you turned it around and made this quite beautiful, I felt it.
You were starting to get me worried there, I didn't think you were gonna finish your poem and then I saw it and I was like hooray!!!!
Good job here. -
A very interesting poem. The concept and ideas you did were very intruging. Some of it flowed really well. Quiet a snazzy poem. Good luck in the contest =D
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