Flowers tentatively push yellow petals into sunshine,
shaking off soft dark winter soil.
Tender green shoots carefully explore the awakening garden
daintily nudging old fall leaves.
The trees are skeletons beyond the gate, slow to welcome change
lacing branches against the sky.
Shattering the perfect expanse of pale heaven with dark lines,
they resists the approaching spring.
A contest entry
- "the trees are skeletons beyond the gate. . ." by JinSays.
937 points, ended November 7, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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The trees are skeletons beyond the gate,
slow to welcome change lacing branches against the sky.
Okay, I know the first part was the prompt, but I couldn't help myself
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I really love your take on this prompt, and I thank you for your entry,
Best of luck,
jin -
I really like this. The contrast of the two stanzas is really good. I loved the imagery of "Tender green shoots carefully explore the awakening garden/daintily nudging old fall leaves."
The only thing I didn't like was the way that you use "flowers tenderly" and "tender green shoots"... It's a really short poem, so I think it might be a little more aesthetically pleasing if you use descriptive words only once.
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thank you, I didn't even realize I did that
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Hey, this was quite enchanting!
"lacing branches against the sky"
I really liked this phrase.
Beautiful poetry! You have managed to express so much in such few words, its truly inspirational!
Good luck with this!
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