A fly joined me for breakfast
An unwelcome guest like my thoughts
Swirling in my head like milk wet cereal
Sagging while drowned in white lies
It lands at the end of my table
Its compound eyes truly see me as I am
Fragmented, divided... shattered
And yet oblivious of its depth of perception
I morbidly almost admire its hunger
Its excited wings a blur, like my direction
Circling around the bowl in buzzing figures
Awaiting the perfect opportunity
..
A fly joined me for breakfast
Waiting to dine not on cornflakes
But on the true feast that will come
When many others feed on every piece
Of me
.
Author notes
I chose the title " A fly joined me for breakfast" and ironically it also includes the next one too "eat my flesh. Regardless I tried to write the first thing that came to mind as I find that makes better material for me. I hope you enjoy it too.
A contest entry
- Titles and Options OH MY! by badnovocaine.
900 points, ended November 18, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
-
I like this. It's really well written.. And I love the part about the fly's divided perception of you.
^_^
-
Flies ?
Ya,I like this very much, I wrote one about a fly, I'll put it in if you'd care to check it out. of the hat for flies and those who see them in a different light.....chael
-
amazing
my absolute favorite. Swirling....like milk wet cereal...sagging while drowned in white lies. sounds like a song...a really good one at that.
-
I really liked this poem.
How you compared a fly's veiw of you as you are figuratively, divided and fragmented.
And also, how you compared it's wings to your direction, a blur.
It's a unique poem. Original.
Like Icarus said. You've made something so simple and common into a work of art.
And I'm impressed.
-
A very clever, orignal a well written poem. You have a unique way of expressing yourself in vivid imagery.
-
Truly brilliant. I haven't found a poem that I really stood out to me like this has. I love how you took the title and made it your own. You made something so simple and common into a work of art.
-
poor boy
-
Wow....Love it...
heady and heavy ....
with great observations and articulate wit.
You should have won that contest...hands down...
there is no doubt this is a cleaver piece written by a poet with a great over head view and......a strong ability to convey........candid.... with a dooms day flair...
it certainly makes your comment on my work a real honor.
I salute your talent my brother !
Peace Always,
Lowell Poe
-
Wonderful
"Its compound eyes truly see me as I am
Fragmented, divided... shattered
And yet oblivious of its depth of perception" What a marvellous commentary on the human condition. We are constantly inspected by those around us, and they see us with unhindered vision while we go on oblivious to the fact our self is not hidden but constantly exposed.
-
I thought this was good - i can never do contests, it is a real skills to be inspired by a picture of quote from the screen and muster up a poem - so applause to those who can.
I really liked the first verse, and I liked the attention to detail and the way you have exapnded and articulated your thoughts in the piece.
Well done
-
Bravo! I loved this poem!
Your descriptions were great! I enjoyed this! -
this is well done, i like it a lot.
you did a great job choosing the right words, somehow everything sounds very cohesive.
-peace-
-
Great. I loved the third stanza. I like to see someone take this prompt, as I did, and come up with something so creative. Well writen.
-
*Laughs* -I wouldn't want flies eating my pieces.
I found this very clever. Where it began and where
it lead to, and the angles from the person and fly.
Great write & g'luck in the contest
-
Whoa this is truely creative!! I liked the take you did on this how you related the fly and described it and took the viewpoint of yourself as well. This is great because you took two titles in one poem and it flowed nicely.
Yeah thats how I write to, just what comes to mind when I think of it, its better that way.
Good job. -
I LIKE THIS ITS REALLY GOOD X
-
even though this was made for a contest - i liked the overall concept. i really liked the first stanza of the poem because i could relate somehow.
"An unwelcome guest like my thoughts/Swirling in my head like milk wet cereal"
in that first stanza, i really liked these two lines. it's how i'm feeling today as well as yesterday. thoughts have a lot of things to say about something that's eating away at you, but it also helps to work through problems and try to think about them with a clear open mind.
even if nothing is eating at you, as you've said in your AN that you wrote the first thing that came to mind - i still find it to be a nice write to read.
take care,
wishing-blue
Adding your comment:
1 - 17 of 17
