Jerry, Jerry, quite contrary
how does your ranting go?
"with Bible-thumping and conclusion jumping,
and shameless pleas for your dough."
Jerry, Jerry, on the airy
who does Jesus hate?
"Faggots and commies and unwed mommies,
and people who stay out too late."
Jerry, Jerry, bash the fairies
who does Jesus love?
"people who send their tax-deductable donations of
fifty dollars or more to:
OLD TIME GOSPEL HOUR
RICHMOND VIRGINIA
...and do it with love."
Jerry, Jerry, holier than Mary
who does Jesus dispise?
"Darkie skins, and mexicans
and little slanty eyes."
Jerry, Jerry, fat as a cherry
who does Jesus adore?
"those who sign over their SSI checks
because i need them more."
Jerry, Jerry, palms so hairy
what constitutes a sin?
"Listening to rock and sucking cock
and staying out past ten"
Jerry, Jerry, loud and prayery
who does Jesus curse?
"those nasty, evil Teletubbies
because one of them carries a PURSE!"
Jerry, Jerry, tell Mr. Kerry
why did Osama attack?
"because we tolerated queers
and women who dress in slacks."
Jerry, Jerry, isn't it scary?
what will you do when you die?
"I'll buy my way into heaven.
God takes Mastercard. good bye."
Author notes
Written January 31st, 2004
Falwell died May 13, 2007
In a list
A contest entry
- Blasphemy! by Nicole Hanna.
500 points, ended September 18, 2004, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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I wonder.........
Did you write something of similar nature when we were attacked on 9/11 or When saddam was killed? Or did you just save it all for the Christians???? -
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i am a christian. i just don't like christians who are bullies, like Falwell and Phelps.
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pwnd
EXCELLENT! Truly, I don't think anybody feels sorry for his death. Another Strom Thurmond gone, and no one will grieve for him. Thank you. Very much. For showing how America feels about people like him who spreads hatred in the name of the bible.
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This flowed very well. Your message is very clear.
I never knew him well, and I tend to not take televangelists seriously anyway. They seem a poor representation of what Jesus exemplified and taught. -
GREAT!
I LOVED that poem. It was great, and sounds like something I WISH I could right. That guy was an asshole. He really was a complete asshole and I'm not sorry for saying that, he was a complete and utter asshole and how you didn't win this contest I will never know. Keep Writing!
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Good Job
Very good way to express how you felt. I agree with you that he may have choosen the wrong things to do in life. He's probably realized this now (yes I'm religious...open-minded religious though
). Anyways back to the poem, lol, you did a good job and I liked how you used a nursy rhymn method. Good job!
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This was absolutely fantastic. I'd repost the verses I liked about the poem but I'd have to repost the entire thing. This was very creative and insightful, I particularly liked:
"I'll buy my way into heaven.
God takes Mastercard. good bye."
Reminds me of all those preachy people that end up knocking on your door, saying that giving money is how you show dedication to God.
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A good little mockery o a most unpleasant person. Sadly there are millions just like him, oozing sanctimoniousness and the odour of godliness. A shall applaud even though you use "who" where strictly speaking it should be "whom". No one's perfect. You might like some of my own anti-religious poems......
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you live in kentucky and you don't know who jerry falwell is?
he's a televangelist. the one who founded the moral majority.
he once sued Larry flynt for slander because flynt published and article in hustler calling falwell the "asshole of the month". he also came out against the teletubbies because one of them was purple and had a triangle on his head, falwell said that meant he was gay. he also said that sept 11 was gods punishment for us tolerating gays and legalizing abortion. -
Hilarious, I have never heard of Jerry falwell but i know of people who this poem fits..I would hope they didn't even exist, but from what all the other comments suggest...such a nut does? Great write!
-Madison -
Man this is clinical cynical and sadly true.
Fanfuckintastic
Mega phones in Mega Churches making Mega Bucks
God Bless America!
Edited on Sep 18 because 'rubix cubes are so 80s'. -
lmao. This is definitely blasphemous. Oh I love it! I'm especially happy with the arguements in the comments. lol. The last line was just so cynical. Gotta give you props for that. Thanks for entering and good luck!
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This was sooo funny. My parents firmly believed in Jerry for years. They finally woke up!
You did this wonderfully, and basing the structure on a children's rhyme was marvelously witty.
I applaud! -
truely priceless
OMG...you are my new idol!!!I adored this beyond all adoration.This was not only creative, imaginative, and funny but also sooooo true.Thank you for such a great write.This...well this is priceless...let him buy that with his mastercard...LOL -
hahahahhahaha! That was hysterical! You blew me away line after line...and just when i thought it could not go on or get any funnier...IT DID! Humor, sarcasm...wit...FANTASTIC!
Good luck in the contest...
I loved it!
UB
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excellent
My favorite entry to this contest by far. Laugh out loud humor, blunt language but soemtimes being blunt gets the point across. Shocking
Desiree -
i think you missed the point of this poem, EarthtoJim. i wasnt condemning Falwell prudishness, so much as i was trying to point out the fact that he is nothing but a money-grubbing hypocrite. He has made millions off of his so-called "ministry", but has he spent any of it to help the poor and needy? i dont think so.
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I reckon you could've been tougher on the guy, but I'm certainly all for bashing him. People should do it very loudly. It's quite unforgivable for him to be so unchristian. Please let him be caught in a trap of his own making.
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Oh wow that was great, pmsl
Lets see if I can think of anything good to say about the old fat f*ck...
hold on thinking...
aha! no wait wrong person...
hmm can't think of anything.
Ohwell you nailed him on the spot you should send this poem to him to show your appreciation for all the crap that he blows out his double chinned blowhorn -
AMAZING
THIS POEM IS WONDERFUL!! and i know im not gonna say anything that already hasnt been said but this poem is absolutly PERFECT. so even though i dont NORMALLY applaud a poem that has more than 3 or 4 applauses i will applaud yours. AND i used up all my freee ones today so feel honored. -
OMG!!!! That was *AWESOME* *is in tears because he is laughing SO hard!* Oh wow, that was one of the most hilarious things I've ever read, and it's SO true! The funny thing I that I was just having a discussion with a friend about people like Jerry Falwell, and how *dumb* they are! I despise it when people like him feel the need to go out and preach about how all us sinners are going to Hell for pissing off God. In the end it seems that the only person who ISN'T a sinner in his books is himself. Isn't that always the way? This was a fabulous poem! It also reminded me of my own, Salvation in a Can. I think you'd enjoy it, so check it out.
(sorry about the flagrant false advertising, but it REALLY is like this poem!!!) You did a great job, and I salute you!!! *salute*
Dancing in the silver shadows
Arien Silverleaf -
Tantrum, not rant
If Jerry has his way, the world stands to become, from your perspective, an austere and overly prudish hell.
If you have your way, the world stands to become, from his perspective, a sleazy, disintegrating hell of disease, immorality and crime.
Most normal people would choose the first hell, the lesser of two evils.
The production of this piece seemed lacking in technique and polish, but was highly charged in passionate sort of way. -
what a hoot...yes.
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hysterical
And another televangelist who halfway doesn't conform to the Bible himself bites the dust...
Reminds me a lot of...what's-his-face--Jim Bakker. No one takes him at his word anymore. I don't even pay attention to the preachers on television because so many of them are hypocrites. You'd think that he was heathenish his damned self the way he's living.
I think AP needs an eye-rolling emoticon nowadays...I find myself having to roll my eyes at a lot of things I witness in the world nowadays...
Your poem is hilarious. If I weren't at the library, I'd be splitting my sides laughing right about now!
Many blessings,
Raven Aurora
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lmao...im definitely considering this one...not only do u address the hypocracies of that nutjob but i think it says a lot of those who tend to support the extreme right in this country...excellent
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execellent
This was so funny, yet it hit the nail on the head. I can't stand that fat f*k because for all of his suppossedly teaching of the bible, he breaks all of the major laws of it. I can't stand a hypocrite and he's one of the biggest! Great write. -
EXCELLENT! Lol... funny, yet so true..
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lol that was great
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this is absolutely, emphatically, brilliantly, hysterically written! always found it ironic that those who profess to be the most christian, are the ones with the hardest hearts. i must bookmark this so i can come back and read more of your work.
standing ovation!
~liz -
amen Tahu , he surely speaks the word of what he thinks God wants and loves, and in fact he is one big HATER of all that doesnt suit his needs , for someone who claims to be so Godly , he sure does seem to judge alot , I personally thought only God judged, and no-one else , excellent write Sir , think he should read this and do some serious soul searching before he opens his mouth once again , maybe should send poem in as a donation lol, great job ... JP *s*
Edited on Jan 31, 3:37 p.m. because ''.
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