I'd lit a fire amongst the rodents
As they danced and played..
I watched them speak, talk, laugh
repeating, repeating
Bunch of..
shined heads
bump face
til they find the edge
So screwed over I let it all go
Maybe I can stand...
The world is spinning, as if
that should surprise me.
Strolling over
in angled sights, warped and sunken
I smile for their sake
yeah-i'm-fine yeah-i'm-fine
still sounding
absolutely the same
along with muttered tones
did i go somewhere?
why was i..
didn't i hate it here?
no.
I didn't hate her.
And I still don't
stupid, lover girl
just like the rest of us
not knowing what the hell
she's doing
how can i compare
as i continue draining the contents
of a leftover concoction
'you'll be fine, jenna'
'this happens to everyone'
and now i
am everyone
and at last i
have finally become
no one.
so i think now
i'll finish off the booze.
Author notes
Done.
A contest entry
- Intoxicated by Hell In Harmony.
3500 points, ended November 18, 2008, 27 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
striking
I enjoyed the piece a lot. Frankly a lot of it hit home for me, the desire for drink especially. "didn't i hate it here?" was probably my favorite line, honestly it reminded me so much of being lost in drunken thought in a place you said you'd never go again.
losing inhibitions and pure reason. how i miss it sometimes. thanks for writing this -
Emotions spinning
Some amazing imagery you've painted here, a landscape of desire for alcohol, a mind sunken in despair, emotions spinning out off control. Well written and good luck in the contest.
-
I'd lit a fire amongst the rodents
As they danced and played..
I watched them speak, talk, laugh
repeating, repeating
Bunch of..
shined heads
bump face
til they find the edge
So screwed over I let it all go
Fantasically intriguing intro
I smile for their sake
yeah-i'm-fine yeah-i'm-fine
LOVE that.
did i go somewhere?
why was i..
didn't i hate it here?
no.
I know how that feels. my god.
I didn't hate her.
And I still don't
stupid, lover girl
just like the rest of us
not knowing what the hell
she's doing
relateable.
and now i
am everyone
and at last i
have finally become
no one.
so i think now
i'll finish off the booze.
like the ending.
the only thing I didnt like way the name
made it feel less personal
still loved it though
thanks and goodluc
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