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My name

You would hold me close to your heart

Whenever I was cold.

You gave me coloring books,

Knowing I was too old.

You made me a quilt.

Stitching each heart by hand.

Laughing while I told you bad jokes,

Even if you didn't understand.

You bought me shoes that I wore every day,

Even if they were too small.

A smile would form on my thin lips

Every time that you'd call.

I loved you more every day.

I will never be ashamed

Of how much I love the lady,

Who gave me my name.

Author notes

Option 4

A contest entry

What is your honest opinion (positive and negative)

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Miss Faerie Greeters member
    November 30, 2008
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    Welcome to Allpoetry and thank you for entering the contest

    This is a beautiful piece of poetry that shows so clearly the love and admiration that is felt. Absolutely amazing.

    Welcome to Allpoetry and thank you for entering our contest
    I hope that you enjoy the site, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask
    Good luck!


  • Manda Kathryn Greeters member
    November 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to AllPoetry

    What a cherishable poem that reads so nicely on the page

    I found this touching.
    The final lines are well worded and I think underappreicated by many in our world

    ♥
    Thank You for Your Entry in November's New Member
    Best of Luck
    Stay safe
    ~Manda
    Site Greeter


  • Polaja Greeters member
    November 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to Allpoetry!

    This is a beautiful poem that you have written for this contest - I really like the way you add such personal things, while the poem remains open for others to insert their own perspectives - I personally would like to see some more punctuation to help the reader know when to pause and emphasise - but as it is this is a lovely poem thank you very much for entering the new members contest!


    Polly
    Site Greeter


  • Angelflower
    November 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Welcome To Allpoetry

    Hello numbness,



    This was a really soft and touching poem, something that wiggled it's way into the readers heart. Thank you very much for sharing this with us here on Allpoetry, and for entering this contest .
    Best of luck..


    Jetleena
    Site Greeter.


  • greyhaime silver member
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    welcome to allpoetry

    beautiful write here, lots of emotion tied up in this. thanks so much for sharing this with us here and for joining the site.good luck in the contest.


  • Immortal Obscurity gold member
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to Allpoetry

    Hello, numbness

    I do believe I've already commented on a few of your poems; they were fantastic, and this is no exception. You obviously had a very special relationship with your grandmother, and I know that she would be very proud of you.

    Just a suggestion: You might want to add the proper punctuation, or some other kind of line-break; it allows the readers to digest the full impact of your words, which is important, given the heavy subject-matter. Also, capping the beginning of each line isn't necessary, unless it's the start of a new sentence.

    Either way, the sentiment here is brilliant, and I do hope that writing this has helped you to find some sort of closure. I hope you continue to share your work with us, and please feel free to let me know if you need anything at all

    Write on!

    Laura
    Site Greeter


  • Blooming Poet
    November 10, 2008

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    WELCOME TO ALLPOETRY

    Welcome to all poetry, I am glad to see younger poets joining us. Your message here really touched me. I hope AP provides a healthy and nurturing environment for you.

    Molly
    Site Greeter


  • Lady Altheia
    November 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to AllPoetry

    Welcome to our lovely site. I am so pleased you have joined us. I think your poem is lovely. If i may make a suggestion, make sure you go over your poem carefully for misspelled words. In your first line, you have held instead of hold. I am sure it is a small oversight.
    LadyAltheia
    site greeter


  • Valley Girl silver member
    November 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to All Poetry

    A very sweet write and dedication. The only small spelling correction I can see is in your first line "You would held me" I think you mean "You would hold me" Also, you may want to put the option number in your author notes, sometimes people can get DQ'd for that reason.
    Thanks for sharing, and good luck!
    Sarah
    Site Greeter.


  • Dienush
    November 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to Allpoetry

    I like this. The only thing I could think to critique is that the grammar of the first couple lines seems careless. Other than that, this poem has really made me go "Aww". I love how you've shown the bond in such simple words, using these vivid, wonderful examples. "You gave me coloring books
    Knowing I was too old" really made me smile. And the quilt part, too. I find this middle part to be the strrongest and most poetic. I like the simple writing style as well as the deep, passionate message. Keep writing & good luck.

    ~Diana


  • SeptemberFaith
    November 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to Allpoetry

    Hello numbness,

    "You would held me close to your heart" I think held should be hold.

    I like that you love the person who's name you carry. That is an honor I am sure you dont carry lightly.

    This is a very sweet poem.

    Don't forget to put your option in the authors comments.

    Good Luck in the contest.
    Criss
    Site Greeter

1 - 11 of 11