Please shelter me from these pained days,
where solace haunts...and stops...and stays
and opaque sight becomes a foe
to welcome weight of whitened woe--
where wisdom weeps and sorrow sways.
Oh shelter me as hurt displays
compassion's cloak in acid's rays
and hope's bright hues cease just to flow.
Please shelter me...
And here I've stood as mind decays,
to sink in grief's all-sorry gaze
and soul has searched reasons to know
why love had promised it would grow--
yet altered fate...our words - erased.
Please shelter me...
Author notes
Picture Inspired.
A Rondeau.
See source: http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/rondeau.html
A contest entry
- Picture Prompt... by ariazephyrzoe.
1000 points, ended November 21, 2008, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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wow congrats on gold...
this is beautifully expressed. I especially enjoy these lines:
and opaque sight becomes a foe
yet altered fate...our words - erased.
it doesn't quite make the complete criteria for the traditional Rondeau, however. Every line except the refrain is eight syllables (quintet, quatrain, sextet). The refrain is four syllables. Otherwise everything else is spot on. This style of poetry works better in the french language, it's alot harder in English. They use alot more adjectives I think.
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This is a beautiful piece and wonderful Rondeau.
It went so well with the picture that was the inspiration.
Your words flowed and the pain was so evident and felt by this reader.
Well done...Good luck in the contest.
Soulful Woman
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a very beautiful rondeau
Oh shelter me as hurt displays
compassion's cloak in acid's rays
These lines are also my personal fave
...yes, please shelter me...
to withstand the pain and heartache of breaking ties
I am cetainly speechless and so in awe. I am in love with this piece.
Thank you for sharing your talent
Anna Lee
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JUDGED!!!
I like this one Anna,
The rhyme and flow is just marvellous,
and you know how much i like rhyme,
A definate Finalist
This contest looks like its gonna be a hard one to judge
Ken
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so tender and longing....your structure was interesting to
read....repeating the agony of longing and grief....
way to write.....you pierced our souls mightily!
well done!
well done!
ears/Seattle
thankyou for sharing your poem with us!
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This is really beautiful, sad, but beautiful.
My favorite stanza is:
"And here I've stood as mind decays,
to sink in grief's all-sorry gaze
and soul has searched reasons to know
why love had promised it would grow--
yet altered fate...our words - erased.
Please shelter me..."
Great write -
This is amazing.
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wonderful.
i love alliteraton. especially when it is done right. such a sad situation, but at the same time you make it beautiful.
-andi -
Pleasure to read
good luck in the contest!
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Love the alliteration throughout..."compassion's cloak in acid's rays" my fav line, speaks to me of someone deceptive with ulterior motives
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