Steam bubbles from the cauldron of night
and hangs heavy on the hour,
like a soggy pair of woolen socks.
Street lamps stand sentinel watch,
barely discernable
under cover of ghostly persuasion.
Asphalt pathways of respite
stretch and turn silently
in peaceful hazy dreams.
It’s here I’m found, held captive
in the boundaries of restless solitude,
to breathe the stillness till dawn.
Author notes
Prompt 'into the hollow' used for inspiration
Insomnia makes me feel hollow, as does the fog we've been surrounded by here in holland for the past two days. It's so thick, it hasn't cleared at all even in the day.
In a list
A contest entry
- Calling ALL Muses! by silverscent.
625 points, ended November 7, 2008, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gold And Silver Trophy Poems! by MJ Forgives.
700 points, ends December 1, 221 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Congratatulations ...
on the shiny Gold trophy. Well deserved, I'd say. Good pic with it as well.
I can't see anything to fix or change. It looks fine as is. Insomnia and I are old friends, so I could easily empathize with this.
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Originality: (8/10)
Emotion: (8/10)
Poetic devices: (16/20)
Structure/flow: (8/10)
Cohension: (9/10)
Title relating to poem: (8/10)
Personal opinion: (8/10)
Syntax: (7/10)
Diction: (8/10)
Total:80/100
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I love that word. I love this wiccan feel I get off the piece, it's like saturation of a different kind.
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I really liked this. I'm terrible at writing vignettes so its especially nice to read well written ones.
My one slight point would be that having "cauldron of night" and " pathways of respite" sounds a bit odd, with the use of the 'of' quite close together. Its a tiny, tiny criticism though but it did catch a little bit because it sounds a bit unnatural.
The last stanza was my favourite, it finished the poem off so well and also explained what the poem was about. So, of course, I has to go back and reread in the context of insomnia.
A pleasure to read this, x x
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I adored the use of language in this. It was one I wanted to read over and over, just because I know with every read there's something new to be gained from it.
Thanks for entering. -
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WOW I'm speechless!
Thank you for these wonderful thoughts, I'm please you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. I'm truly honored to receive Gold!
Many blessings, Sandi
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nightingale
so the nightingale is back in the orchard, and even though this is not much of an orchard, this is nevertheless one exciting nightingale’s voice . even if it sings at night. beautiful poetry, my friend, your voice is soft, your personal insight penetrating (sentinal -> sentinel; and the title for me would be: Vignettes at 3am).
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Poignant write ...
carrying deep sentiments we can all relate to. Yet: I seldom suffer insomnia, I am too eager to dream.
Love
Myra
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the quiet hours
stretch very long. Your observation is acute, and the description takes me into the fog - not just of the weather, but of the mind.
The atmosphere is very good, the tiredness is palpable. I am not that good with titles, either of your choices seems good to me. Best of luck!
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