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Dead men tell no lies



Flag-draped, they return
in glory, though they died
like dogs. A manicured lawn
is their reward, with a view
of other graves, other soldiers
who did their duty, who did
another one's dirty work.

They have no defense,
nor need one. The lies
are not theirs; only death.
The guns never worked,
the bombs couldn't hide
them or the lies that sent them.
Dead men tell no lies, nor need to.
The silent bodies say louder
what lying lips never can.

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Denerica
    April 6

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    I am honored that I was led to write a poem on the war as a tribute, they need to know we back home here think of the sacrifice and struggles their families face while they are there in this frivilous war, Worthy of the HM. Blessings.


  • Hulali
    November 20, 2008

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    Good to hear that someone is still writing about this. That at least you haven't fallen into the routine, let the war become just a fixture, not to be noticed anymore.

    I'm not sure if you meant to use meter, but it works well here.

    These lines are a bit awkward, really the only place I'd look to for revision; lies, lying repeats too often:

    the bombs couldn't hide
    them or the lies that sent them.
    Dead men tell no lies, nor need to.


    Just playing around here,

    the bombs couldn't hide
    the lies that sent them
    (don't think you need to restate the title)
    The silent bodies tell the truth
    louder than (those/their) lying lips

    or maybe the bombs could uncover truth instead of being unable to hide lies.

    Hope it's ok to leave a critique. I mean only to be constructive and helpful.



  • voodoo ink Greeters member
    November 9, 2008

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    Yes, I agree with you. It isn't their lies, but they still are thrown into the death traps, mostly to return in body bags and caskets...This has alot of truth, poet....


  • Lencio Rodrigues
    November 9, 2008

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    Oh God, this is so deep and very very touching. This is one brilliant poem I have read in all day, truly you have said in your words what we feel about our dear soldiers who die like dogs, yet there are no better HEROES than them. I liked this a lot, thanks for writing this for them, about them and sharing it with us.

    Bravo!

    Love and light,
    Lencio


  • fairytalelovestory
    November 4, 2008
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    this is really beautiful

1 - 5 of 5