Once there was a time when we use to kiss,
And our bodies would ache for each others touch.
How your eyes would connect to mine,
How you loved me so much.
Love gave us power to hurt, that hate cannot match.
That’s when the wounds began.
That’s when you became my patch.
As you look in the mirror, I became the disease
causing you to not see your reflection.
becoming a piece of lint in the breeze.
I was the abductor with my naughty treats.
And you were the pathetic child I picked up on the street.
You knew what you were getting yourself into
when you hopped into my car.
Now your only escape is in your bathroom bar.
So go scurry into the corner
with your liquor and your scabs,
I know the liquid is your only friend,
Oh yeah!
And those little bugs when I gave you crabs.
But it was your fault
for not reading the warning label.
Just remember to put the rent check on the table,
and perhaps a little extra for me and my time
and making life so hellishly sublime
Now you keep your liquor by the bed,
and those deepest thoughts in your head,
cuz that’s all you got now,
for your spirit I have shred.
Like the unborn fetus I secretly threw away.
Seeing the discolored womb, only hues of grey.
And you wonder why is life full of fleas?
Well it’s because you choose lust and duty instead
of the other girl, the brown skin Japanese.
Well, I’m the Queen Bee now
and you’re my little slave.
Laboring your miserable bones
for every dime and every day,
just so you can see your little girl grow.
But your pay comes to me
and my little secret you’ll never know.
And in your memories I’ll always remain,
But for me, you’ll be surfing in my veins.
And forever you’ll be trapped in my little box
Not even Jesus will save you from my deadly rocks.
And I’m sure one day you’ll try to leave
Just remember when you walk out of this charade
Your pain is only temporarily reprieved
But if it makes any difference
I never meant for you to bleed
I’m just defective from the meth
that’s burning inside of me.
Author notes
Z I O L A
In a list
A contest entry
- A poetic retelling of an unfortunate seduction by cookie-monster.
400 points, ended September 14, 26 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pain from a lover betrayel by Palaz1wp.
800 points, ended October 7, 18 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you think.
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
-
good work, good lukc in the contest!
-Mary- -
digging the evilness. i like how at the end you explain why your so twisted. very good thanks for the entry
-
wow..
=] -
Definatly angry... Disregarded the "break up poems wont do well thing" but you do what you do.... Besides all that rubbish this was pretty good. Thanks for the entry
-
Great writing my friend!
-
i really like this. great write and good luck in the comp.
-
I like the transformation throughout the entire poem. darker and darker as it subsides to metaphorical, catergorical, nocturnal bleeding of the breeds. this is most definately a dark descent of treason and alcoholic seasoning keeping small insects alive. well done. enjoyed thoroughly.
-
Extremely twisted and evil. The portrayal of hopelessness for the victim is especially cold hearted. Thank you for your entry.
-
Its a very powerful poem that is very well written... I cannot immediatly see anything that you could have improved on and that is excellent.
Good luck with the competition. -
The last stanza is very powerful.
It brings togetehr everything very nicely.
Exccellent write, very detailed, you could picture everything. -
I really enjoyed reading this, it was detailed and sent a chill down my spine. Great write, good luck in the contest, and thank you so very much for entering.
-
Dam this scared me lol wow from a nice calm start to a bitter end this was amazing and even though it tripped me out I loved reading it so much, you done an awesome job with this write my friend
-
-
ty james. i appricate you reading my work. i hope it didnt scare you back to bad memories. i know we'll all had some bad relationships, and all write about how our love broke our heart. i thought it'll be fun to play the bitch in this write
-
-
i like how you have such an innocent beginning, full of longing and love, and by the end you manage to turn this piece into something full of misery, anger, deceit, and addiction.
beautifully done.
p.s. i agree with still.she.waits: intense.
-
-
ty kindly for your comment, i was trying to make it into a f'ed up surprise. lo thought it would be funny to start it sweet and and flip the world upside down
-
-
WOW! I am totally amazed by this piece...I was thinking, as I read it, that your life was in some kinda shambles, until I read the notes...very well done, poet...
-
this poem told an interesting story. However, I'm not sure I felt enough of the hate in here. It was well-written and I could tell there was some thought put into it, but once again I just didn't sense enough of the hate
-
this was intense. i felt like i had to hold my breath until the end. im glad this isnt you, but alas it could be somebody. i almost didnt realize that it rhymed, as i tend to prefer free verse. but that just shows how effortlessly this flowed.
-andi -
In line 11, I think you may have meant lint, meaning a small bit of fuzz, rather than Lent, meaning the Christian fasting period before Easter.
In line 31, I think you intended threw away and not through.
Other than those few minor grammatical errors and some places where the rhyme felt a bit forced (but I'm not much of a rhyme fan), this was quite an entrancing piece. Nice job & good luck in the contest! -
OK
-
that was really good. kinda intense
-
Wow, a very moving and sad write, I was happy to see this isn't you. A lot of pain shown here.
Well Done...Best wishes in the contest.
Adding your comment:
1 - 22 of 22
