Your tongue gently draws beautiful sketches
through the valley of my breasts to the
plain of my stomach. Hot breath
curls inside me then all I hear
is the ripping of cotton and
the sharp cries of a
hunting owl.
((Or was that you?))
We cry in one voice as our bodies
remember the familiar steps to
this dance. Wrapping you
into me with the tightness
of knotted vines, I give
my soul over to you in
a single cry of ecstasy.
((Then we scream our symphony to death))
And now all that's left is the heat of
your quivering body and the sound
of an untamed heart. I listen to
you steadily inhale your nicotine
through the moans that still
ring in my ears. The rustle
of blankets shatters the
pregnant air and I turn
to see you staring at
me. Your raw lips
part and I turn
away, unable
to listen to
even more broken promises.
Author notes
Hello my lovable lovely 
This was a mixture of number one and four and was actually something I wrote last night and just happened to fit.
Jordanne
A contest entry
- snowflakes- I by bird-mad girl.
1800 points, ended November 24, 2008, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Be Brutally Honest, Loves
Comments
-
"the sharp cries of a
hunting owl."
I relished those words, though I think they could be on one line.
I thought refering to sex as a dance in the second stanza was kind of cliche. I guess it works well with steps but maybe you could have used another action to describe it.
"((Then we scream our symphony to death))"
I savored those lines. The French call an orgasm the "small death" so I thought it was great you refered to the climax as death. It's very appropriate. A good orgasm makes you feel like your dying from such extreme pleasure.
I also loved how your refered to the air as "pregnant" considering your piece is about sex. I had a bit of a giggle at that.
I'm not so sure the last couple of lines are fitting. Your piece was about raw sex and I think the end of it threw in too much emotion. It didn't seem to fit with the lack of "clinging" emotion during the descriptions of sex.
Thank you for entering babe.
♥
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