Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

When you called

When you called me
my heart stopped
the whole world seemed stuck in rewind
I remembered the way
you looked at me
the day when we first met.
The way your lips felt that time you kissed me.
I was plagued by memory of my knees
and the way they would buckle
when I saw you pass by.
Don't call me.

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • 2lullabyhaven
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hahaha was not expecting that ending, you surprised me hahaha thanks for your entry and good luck lol


  • JustFallingApart
    November 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Short and sweet, I like it. This was very well written, you did an amazing job with this. I realy enjoyed reading this poem. So many people can relate to this, and that is one of the things that's great about it. Nice write and I hope all is well


  • Blood Bloom
    November 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Kinda confusing. You love someone, and you can't wait to gaze upon them, but at the end, you avoid your wants? Well, when I put it that way, it sounds very clever. I do wonder though, are you protecting your heart, or is there more?


  • rinzurajan
    November 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    STRANGE EMOTIONS...BUT WITH A NICE KIND OF HIDDEN MESSAGE TO THE ONE YOU ADDRESSED IT TO...


  • dismantle-me
    November 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very good.
    I love how the poem flows through from "When you called me" to "Don't call me", and how everything in between is the reason why.


  • Flight of Dragons
    November 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hmmm

    Interesting and twisted, I did really like it. It's unique and strangely attention capturing. Great read.

  • Judith Chandler
    November 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "the whole world seemed stuck in rewind" -- great line which describes the power this caller has, too much obviously because later on, you tell that same caller not to call you. The write has kind of a narrative quality that I really like.

1 - 7 of 7